poetry and stories by jaha zainabu
This is where the poetry and stories will go. The bus stories, health care stories, essays...stories. Enjoy the ride.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Rhythm
Tie me into your locks
So I can hear the music in your head
Before the others do
Dance me lightly into your tange foot groove
We step left foot first then right
Your blood pumps in sync with mine in 3/4 all the time
Me and you
Is different
Sing me softly with heavy vibrato into your lullabies
I will know right then that you love me
Weave me into your butt naked dreams
Where you are begging me please
To take your hand and follow you into forever
Take me
I wanna go
Roll me up real tight
Smoke me in your jane
Exhale the black green red and khaki fatigue in me
I will stand fist raised gun cocked for our kingdom
And I will dare a muthafucka to invade
Make me unafraid to love you back
Loose my inhibitions and I will love you lovely
Giving understanding new
To the stress of our very everyday
When we unite
Our world will be transformed
Carmex me beautiful on lips
Full of promises kept
I will speak in cadence often
Of my love never ever ending for you boldly
Vaseline me greasy on knees ashy
From rising always after being knocked unjust
I honor the essence of you
Smell you every time I close my eyes
You lie beautiful underneath me
Walk like a king righteous
I will submit
Humble soon comfortable
Knowing my back is got
Sit shiva facing me
I massage real life into your scalp
Beeswax sticky on my palms
Tell me you love me
I will believe
Monday, May 7, 2012
Musings
Today I heard a gunshot in the alley under my window
I am not wise to the makes and sizes of guns
I am a poet
an artist
a mother
Three shots to be precise
not just me
somebody else hadta heard it too
We are up in arms
when white cops kill black boys
while we rape our women
on the way to the rally
Where are the waves fists behind this
It is three in the afternoon
A sunny day
June
These are the things that riot my headspace
when I endeavor to write about
Grandmothers
Garvey
Drums
Rallies
Relationships
Relevance
My poems are little now
Perhaps someones life has ended
No one has missed a beat
At the liquor store
Crazy Melvin is begging for change
Rolanda the crackhead is selling pussy
In unit B Demarco is smoking pcp
The couple downstairs is making love
I am listening because it is beautiful
I imagine she lies
face downward
grips the headboard tightfisted
While he is stroking inside of her
long
thick
The cushion of her backside is
Christmas
Merlot
Rent paid
The fucking is good
I am never short of stories on
Buckingham Rd
And elegant name for a street with such drama
Even more ironic that it intersects King
Yesterday someone pissed in the hallway
The ice cream truck comes by after dark
Pushing weed, swishers and Philly blunts
Trent Allen was shot in the head for his 280z
Zuri Williams shot
Jerome Richardson shot
Myra Carmichael eleventh grade
Shot in the face by her boyfriend
who said if he couldn't have her
then no one would
There were no rallies
Last October
brothas set off fireworks
for two and a half hours
starting at 1 in the am
A boy jumped off a building because his classmates
harrassed him for being gay
And so what
With all of us looking for love
we should be celebrated for finding it at all
I would like to blame this on the white man
It is 11pm
I am up writing
While I am grilled stuft burrito
1 in 8 go to bed hungry in the U.S. alone
who knows the numbers on who don't
have a bed to go to at all
I am in search of the who of who I am
on the Saturday night in Los Angeles
Where someone is being asked to dance
Bishop Collins is preparing his message
Maybe tomorrow he wil not just shout it from the pulpit
but explain how one just
gives it to Jesus
And Good Times don't come on local networks no more
Maybe Michael was too black too strong for TV
Thelma to gorgeous to be nappy and brownskinned
I surmise they killed off James because
white America couldn't handle a black man
sticking with his family through
bad times
I am writing
The musings and prophecies just come
Like Wednesday before last
the children were out front playing
Two boys and a girl on one side
Three boys to the other
A volley ball type game
Except there was one boy in the middle
In my day
I am old enough to have a day
We called it keep away
Now, monkey in the middle
This I will find a way to blame on the white man
But life in the hood aint always bad
On Fridays Hank the dealer buys books and balloons
and toys for the children who don't have much
The grandmamas and granddaddies
are ma'am and sir
The peace and sage sistas are Miss Ladies
Lil Andre carries the groceries for Mama Jerome
when her boy aint around
But the splendor of moments like these and more
is shadowed by my neighbor Claire
getting the fuck beat out of her by her boyfriend
I don't know his name
But every kick follows a
Stupid bitch this
every slap a silly muthafucka that
I am so sorry I cannot make her have a better life
Where are the rallies for this
It is Saturday night in the Jungle and
I am just
writing
Dear Uraeus
I am sorry that this is the world you get
I wanted a safer place for you
1. I am watching news on ABC
wondering if they are going to say something
about the execution of
Troy Anthony Davis yesterday
Nothing
I am sad for all of us
Weeping for those
who rejoice in any man's death
Justice should look different from this
If it will not be fair
It should at least be sure
Uraeus, do not ride in a car
with three or more black boys
2. I am not ready to write this story about us
There is too much too sad on TV news
I don't know what channel I am watching
As if channels matter
I am too old
too emotional
too sensitive
too hormonal
Too not ready to celebrate
to commerate
to honor
to acknowledge
to look at
twenty years of the L.A. uprising
Uraeus, I hold you too tightly
too often
3. This is a reminder
of burned buildings
bricks through windshields
on heads
looted televisions
Human beings not relating
too many whys
A reminder of our fear
There are triggers all around me
The store clerk following young black boys
down isle three
up five
back down seven
Dearheart, I love you and
will not lose you to this foolishness
4. I cannot pray for my son
without praying for myself
for my fear
the fear I inherited from my grandmother
and her mother
and hers
all the way back to
wrinkled red clay gold
blueblack woman
heard her boy was gone
The stories keep coming
One black boy after another
Beloved, I will not rear you with my fear
I will not rear you with my fear
I will not rear you with my fear
I am reminding myself
5. We scrub blood stain out of concrete
Tomorrow we will get her through tomorrow
Let our communal love
be enough to carry her
through the night
These mothers
Tre'von's
Oscar's
Amadu's
Emmitt's
Sean's
What will we have left of him
if we wrase the blood stain
We scrub and we are afraid
girls will skip rope
boys will bounce balls
not remember his name
and his name
his name
Our heads over red bucket
filled with tears
with pinesol
amonia
with bleach
This should be no parent's lot
This is the rainbow
Ntozake called enuf
Love, Mom
This something called us
Your capable
Vunerable fingertips
Hold me like secret
Inside your skin
Your nails
Bite
Into my whisper name
Say my name say my name
I almost forget what had happened
With us
The hot and cold of me
You and your closed mouth
Hungry for a normal
I cannot give myself
So we dance
This
One step three step
Awkward
Off beat
Snapping where we should clap
In the midst of this waning and ascending
This fire and freeze called us
I do love you still
Still the hardest parts of me soften
When I see you smile
The coldest days of me
Crack open when you hold me both armded
My nose in your neck
My heels on your toes
Tight
I'm not running away
Need time to gather
Pieces of myself
I loaned to lovers
Who didn't know they still had them
Time to collect my self respect
From days too dark
I can't go into alone
Not even in a poem
But I do
For you
I do for myself
And anyone needing time and space
Doesn't always end happily
The request doesn't come with promises
Just know I'm doing the best I can for you
Making me a better me
Never misquote a poet
1. She will hunt you down with the truth of her phrase and hurt you with correction.
Every word in the proper place is important.
2. Don't bother using quotations if you will not get the shit right.
3. Do not "whatever" or "same thing" our words away with the dismissive wave of your hand.
Never misquote a poet
Say it how she said it
Or leave it the fuck alone
Until you are given written permission to paraphrase
Monday, February 27, 2012
Me with Brooke Rose part 2
She's been talking to me. Not out loud but in my mind Brooke has been talking to me. Going on and on too. The first time I was in the bathroom and I felt her wanting to say something. She hadn't yet, but I could feel it. You ever feel like that.
Me: What?
B: You scared of me?
Me: No I'm not scared.
B: That's what you wrote. You wrote that you were scared of my ghost.
Me: I'm not scared scared. I mean, I don't want to see you or hear you out loud or really dream about you or anything like that. And when I don't want to hear you in my head then I want you to go away.
B: So those are the rules?
Me: For now yes. And I don't want to feel you. And if I feel like you're driving me crazy then you gotta go away forever.
B: Tell my story ok?
Me: How did you die?
B: Not now.
Me: That's your story though. How you died? Where are you? Are you stuck here? Did you see a light and just didn't go into it because you have to find out how you died and you found out and now you want me to tell people how you died?
B: That's not it. I won't work like that.
Me: We're not working. You paying me for this? How did you find out about me anyway? Why me?
B: You write about dead children a lot, why?
Me: How did you know about that?
B: I know a lot of things. I don't know how I know them. This world is different. It doesn't have to be that much different but it is.
Me: What do you mean "it doesn't have to be that much different?"
B: Well, now when I need something I know that if I really need it then it will show up and it does everytime. It's like, remember in The Matrix when the lady needed to know how to ride a motocycle and then it all came to her. Or was it the man riding the bike? But you know what I mean right? Well, it's like that.
You can do that too. You don't know it. But you can.
Me: How do you know about The Martix? You died in the eigth grade.
B: I told you. I know a lot of things.
Me: Are you going to tell me how you died?
B: Stop saying died.
Me: I don't know why I keep saying that. I don't usually. Usually I say passed away or something like that.
B: I haven't passed anywhere. I'm right here.
Me: Yeah but you different. You know that.
B: I know you have to get ready but I got it, you don't want to see me, feel me, hear me out loud.
Me: And don't drive me crazy.
B: And don't drive you crazy. And you'll tell my story. I have my own pace. Don't drive me crazy.
Me: And don't drive you crazy.
Me: What?
B: You scared of me?
Me: No I'm not scared.
B: That's what you wrote. You wrote that you were scared of my ghost.
Me: I'm not scared scared. I mean, I don't want to see you or hear you out loud or really dream about you or anything like that. And when I don't want to hear you in my head then I want you to go away.
B: So those are the rules?
Me: For now yes. And I don't want to feel you. And if I feel like you're driving me crazy then you gotta go away forever.
B: Tell my story ok?
Me: How did you die?
B: Not now.
Me: That's your story though. How you died? Where are you? Are you stuck here? Did you see a light and just didn't go into it because you have to find out how you died and you found out and now you want me to tell people how you died?
B: That's not it. I won't work like that.
Me: We're not working. You paying me for this? How did you find out about me anyway? Why me?
B: You write about dead children a lot, why?
Me: How did you know about that?
B: I know a lot of things. I don't know how I know them. This world is different. It doesn't have to be that much different but it is.
Me: What do you mean "it doesn't have to be that much different?"
B: Well, now when I need something I know that if I really need it then it will show up and it does everytime. It's like, remember in The Matrix when the lady needed to know how to ride a motocycle and then it all came to her. Or was it the man riding the bike? But you know what I mean right? Well, it's like that.
You can do that too. You don't know it. But you can.
Me: How do you know about The Martix? You died in the eigth grade.
B: I told you. I know a lot of things.
Me: Are you going to tell me how you died?
B: Stop saying died.
Me: I don't know why I keep saying that. I don't usually. Usually I say passed away or something like that.
B: I haven't passed anywhere. I'm right here.
Me: Yeah but you different. You know that.
B: I know you have to get ready but I got it, you don't want to see me, feel me, hear me out loud.
Me: And don't drive me crazy.
B: And don't drive you crazy. And you'll tell my story. I have my own pace. Don't drive me crazy.
Me: And don't drive you crazy.
The what the why
Teenagers shot and killed in Wilmington, CA
A ten year old killed in a fight
What?
A fight about what
Shot and killed for what
And while the what is relevant
What difference is the what
Because our babies are dead
For nothing
Mothers and fathers
Friends and families
Are grieving and wailing
Stuck tears and stained tissues
For what
Because somebody said...
Somebody had to prove...
Because nobody walked away
Because we weren't there
A ten year old killed in a fight
What?
A fight about what
Shot and killed for what
And while the what is relevant
What difference is the what
Because our babies are dead
For nothing
Mothers and fathers
Friends and families
Are grieving and wailing
Stuck tears and stained tissues
For what
Because somebody said...
Somebody had to prove...
Because nobody walked away
Because we weren't there
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