We were at Rochelle's
Sisterfriends sharing stories about our hoods
Because everybody's got a story about theirs
We are all storytellers
Little girl around the corner from Blue
Named Melody can sing better thank Lauren Hill
Since she was three
Tara's neighbor's cousin had twins named
Remi and Martin who grew up to be
Drug and alcohol rehab counselors
They say Remi had a girl she named Moet
But I don't believe that
We just can't let a story be good enough
You know
But Michelle
Michelle was too quiet
She aint never quiet
Rocky
The woman upstairs from her
Had a ten year old boy who played basketball
Around the block
Comin' home about to jog up the steps to her house
Somebody shot him
We've all heard stories about kids
Shot on the way home
Mothers crying
Daddies falling to their knees
This time
With Michelle
We got quiet with her
Took a moment to breathe
To be that boy's mother
What it was like to fill a red bucket
With pinesol with ammonia with Ajax with bleach
Scrub the cement walk with brush and tears
While others walk by
Like this common
Like this is her duty
This is no mother's duty
We breathed in the fumes
Halfway hoping that they might kill us too
This is the rainbow Ntozake called enuf
Too many colors
And we go from red to blue to green
Back to black and red so fast
We can't keep track
Of our bills
Of our lives
It is everything to put on lipstick
Skirt and shoes
Stockings are a joke a memory a luxury
There are no songs to hum as we scrub
We take turns
Scrubbing our stories
About life
About when we used to laugh
How we used to love
We hold each other
Because our collective energy might just
Make up almost enough for
The next woman to breathe and make it till morning
We will get her through tomorrow
Tomorrow
Today we keep scrubbing
We keep making up songs to sing
About mornings yet to come
Monday, February 27, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
THE NIKEL chapter 26
Amad was at the bank teller's window. The teller asked him to have a seat for a moment. Meanwhile in the parking lot, Malik was talking to the security guard he knew. The teller made a phone call and Amad looked at his watch. He saw a couple that seemed to be very much in love. They were in the bank line hugging and kissing. The woman was pregnant and the man held their son's hand. The young boy looked to be about Jewel's age. Amad imagined that they were him and Obrey and that Obrey was pregnant.
Just outside, the police quietly raced down the street. Amad didn't see the guard coming toward him. When he did see the officers Amad tried to leave unnoticed but they grabbed him. He was escorted in handcuffs out of the bank. As the police put him in the back of the police car he saw Malik drive off.
Just outside, the police quietly raced down the street. Amad didn't see the guard coming toward him. When he did see the officers Amad tried to leave unnoticed but they grabbed him. He was escorted in handcuffs out of the bank. As the police put him in the back of the police car he saw Malik drive off.
Friday, February 24, 2012
THE NIKEL chapter 25
Before the cruise, Obrey and Life went for a walk in Kenneth Hahn Park. "You called me. Are we here for the exercise?" Life asked sarcastically.
"We broke up."
"Figured that. What happened?"
"I was as honest with him as I could be about everything. Not just about us, our probelms started long before us. I told him I wasn't ready to get married. That even if I was, I don't think it would be to him. There's just no real trust with us. These days, everything I want from him I'm getting from you."
"Everything?"
She ignored the question. "With Amad, sometimes I feel so second to everything and everyone."
"What did he say?"
"He got angry. And in the end he said that he never wants to see me again."
"He didn't meant it. That's just the anger talking. It sounds like you still love him though."
"I do. I don't think I realized how much until the other day."
"What happened?"
"Willow and I had a fight."
"What? Everything ok?"
"It will be. We haven't talked since then and I feel strange about that. She was right though. She said that I've been spending so much time focusing on what Amad was doing to me and playing the victim. The more I thought about how unfair I felt he was, the more he would do. She said I wanted to be able to say 'look what he did to me' and now owning my part of the drama."
"We broke up."
"Figured that. What happened?"
"I was as honest with him as I could be about everything. Not just about us, our probelms started long before us. I told him I wasn't ready to get married. That even if I was, I don't think it would be to him. There's just no real trust with us. These days, everything I want from him I'm getting from you."
"Everything?"
She ignored the question. "With Amad, sometimes I feel so second to everything and everyone."
"What did he say?"
"He got angry. And in the end he said that he never wants to see me again."
"He didn't meant it. That's just the anger talking. It sounds like you still love him though."
"I do. I don't think I realized how much until the other day."
"What happened?"
"Willow and I had a fight."
"What? Everything ok?"
"It will be. We haven't talked since then and I feel strange about that. She was right though. She said that I've been spending so much time focusing on what Amad was doing to me and playing the victim. The more I thought about how unfair I felt he was, the more he would do. She said I wanted to be able to say 'look what he did to me' and now owning my part of the drama."
Thursday, February 23, 2012
THE NIKEL chapter 24
Life and Saundra were having drinks on the floor in front of the fireplace. "Something's going on with you and before we go on an eight day cruise together, I wanna get it cleared up, or I'm staying here." Life knew it was time to come clean about everything. "Is is somebody else?"
He knew she would ask that. "No."
"But...?"
"Ok, well, there is no way to say this straight without looking like a jerk or hurting anyone. Saundra, I really love you."
"Then answer my question."
"I will answer your question, I just need you to let me say what I have to say at my own pace, baby. Please?"
"Go ahead."
"Well, you are the woman that I love. I've just had a lot of on my mind lately and I know I'm not the best at talking things out and sometimes I just don't wanna worry you." Life rambled on long enough and he must have read that on her face. "I have met someone. It's not what you think. I'm just able to talk to her. Not that I can't talk to you. I think it's just easy because I'm not as close to her as I am to you. I'm not as close to anyone as I am to you. You know, as a performer people always have these misconceptions about me that I just pull people into me and make friends easily and that I'm really confident. I'm not. You know me. You know I'm not. I'm just telling you that because I don't want you to think that I'm just all out there like that. I'm not. I just needed someone I could talk to like that and that's what we have."
"Do you love her?"
"Not like that. I mean, I love her like who she is but I don't think I'm in love with her?"
"You don't think so, Life? Then who should I ask? Should I call her and ask her if you love her? Huh?"
"It's not so much love as it is what she represents in my life right now."
"Which is what?"
"Just someone helping me get to the next level. Someone I can talk to. I know that this isn't the easiest thing for you to hear...but I can't lie to you. None of this takes away from what I feel for you. I'm so confused. I want you to know that this isn't about her. It's just, I'm not so overly careful about her...feelings. Because she's not my woman I feel free to just...talk. I need to get back on whatever path I'm supposed to be on. Saundra, I know how soap opera crazy all of this sounds to you, but I was just walking around with all of this and it's too heavy now. I do love you." He leaned in to kiss her but she backed away crying.
"I love you too. But you know what? I love me more. And you're right; whatever baggage you're walking around with is your baggage. Not mine. And I dont deserve the way you've been treating me. I can't believe you. I was walking around feeling all guilty like I had done something or that I wasn't supportive enough. I thought you were stressing because of your family and the label. I feel like a fool now, knowing that you've been cheating. I knew. I just didn't want to see it."
"This isn't about sex...I..."
"There are many kinds of intimacy and many forms of cheating. What we share is more than sex. There are certain areas of my life that I reserve for you. You. The fact that you felt that you had to sneak and give what was ours to someone else meant that you knew you were cheating."
"It's not like that, baby..."
"Stop! If you're going to stop lying to me, then stop lying to yourself first. I know that this isn't just about her. But excuse me for harping on it. It's the first time we've talked about her. However long it's been going on, you've had that long until now to deal with it." She paused and began to cry again. He took her hand for a moment then pulled it away. "At first I thought it was some kind of phase you were going through and I would hang in there to show you how good I could be for you. You think I don't know what your friends think about me? That I'm some gold digger only after you because of who you are. But you know what? They're right. I did see gold in you and I was after that. But good in you, Life. You. Having nothing to do with what you have. You know, I would love to see us work out, and who knows, maybe when you get Life straightened out, we can do this. But there is no guarentte that I'll be here. Goodbye, Life." She got up and walked out.
She didnt know where she was going when she left, she just knew she had to get out of there. In a hurry! Now she was feeling worse about not telling him. That was the perfect oportunity and she blew it again. It was just too much to hear him say that he met someone he could talk to. That hurt. It would have been easier to hear that it didn't mean any thing and it was just sex. No it would't have.
The next morning she surprised Life and herself and showed up at the port in Long Beach. She didn't really know what she was doing there. She was angry with him, with herself. She needed to be able to talk to him. She didnt want to talk but she needed to be able to. Eight days without being able to do that would have been bad for both of them. She showed up. Bag in hand.
"Is that all you have?"
"I'm here ok."
"Where did you stay last night?"
She just looked at him.
"I was just worried that's all. Look, I'm glad you're here. I know you're upset and you have every right to be, but can we get through this without you punishing me the whole trip? This is still business for me and it's hard enough already."
"I'm cool, Alfred. Let's just do this."
He knew she would ask that. "No."
"But...?"
"Ok, well, there is no way to say this straight without looking like a jerk or hurting anyone. Saundra, I really love you."
"Then answer my question."
"I will answer your question, I just need you to let me say what I have to say at my own pace, baby. Please?"
"Go ahead."
"Well, you are the woman that I love. I've just had a lot of on my mind lately and I know I'm not the best at talking things out and sometimes I just don't wanna worry you." Life rambled on long enough and he must have read that on her face. "I have met someone. It's not what you think. I'm just able to talk to her. Not that I can't talk to you. I think it's just easy because I'm not as close to her as I am to you. I'm not as close to anyone as I am to you. You know, as a performer people always have these misconceptions about me that I just pull people into me and make friends easily and that I'm really confident. I'm not. You know me. You know I'm not. I'm just telling you that because I don't want you to think that I'm just all out there like that. I'm not. I just needed someone I could talk to like that and that's what we have."
"Do you love her?"
"Not like that. I mean, I love her like who she is but I don't think I'm in love with her?"
"You don't think so, Life? Then who should I ask? Should I call her and ask her if you love her? Huh?"
"It's not so much love as it is what she represents in my life right now."
"Which is what?"
"Just someone helping me get to the next level. Someone I can talk to. I know that this isn't the easiest thing for you to hear...but I can't lie to you. None of this takes away from what I feel for you. I'm so confused. I want you to know that this isn't about her. It's just, I'm not so overly careful about her...feelings. Because she's not my woman I feel free to just...talk. I need to get back on whatever path I'm supposed to be on. Saundra, I know how soap opera crazy all of this sounds to you, but I was just walking around with all of this and it's too heavy now. I do love you." He leaned in to kiss her but she backed away crying.
"I love you too. But you know what? I love me more. And you're right; whatever baggage you're walking around with is your baggage. Not mine. And I dont deserve the way you've been treating me. I can't believe you. I was walking around feeling all guilty like I had done something or that I wasn't supportive enough. I thought you were stressing because of your family and the label. I feel like a fool now, knowing that you've been cheating. I knew. I just didn't want to see it."
"This isn't about sex...I..."
"There are many kinds of intimacy and many forms of cheating. What we share is more than sex. There are certain areas of my life that I reserve for you. You. The fact that you felt that you had to sneak and give what was ours to someone else meant that you knew you were cheating."
"It's not like that, baby..."
"Stop! If you're going to stop lying to me, then stop lying to yourself first. I know that this isn't just about her. But excuse me for harping on it. It's the first time we've talked about her. However long it's been going on, you've had that long until now to deal with it." She paused and began to cry again. He took her hand for a moment then pulled it away. "At first I thought it was some kind of phase you were going through and I would hang in there to show you how good I could be for you. You think I don't know what your friends think about me? That I'm some gold digger only after you because of who you are. But you know what? They're right. I did see gold in you and I was after that. But good in you, Life. You. Having nothing to do with what you have. You know, I would love to see us work out, and who knows, maybe when you get Life straightened out, we can do this. But there is no guarentte that I'll be here. Goodbye, Life." She got up and walked out.
She didnt know where she was going when she left, she just knew she had to get out of there. In a hurry! Now she was feeling worse about not telling him. That was the perfect oportunity and she blew it again. It was just too much to hear him say that he met someone he could talk to. That hurt. It would have been easier to hear that it didn't mean any thing and it was just sex. No it would't have.
The next morning she surprised Life and herself and showed up at the port in Long Beach. She didn't really know what she was doing there. She was angry with him, with herself. She needed to be able to talk to him. She didnt want to talk but she needed to be able to. Eight days without being able to do that would have been bad for both of them. She showed up. Bag in hand.
"Is that all you have?"
"I'm here ok."
"Where did you stay last night?"
She just looked at him.
"I was just worried that's all. Look, I'm glad you're here. I know you're upset and you have every right to be, but can we get through this without you punishing me the whole trip? This is still business for me and it's hard enough already."
"I'm cool, Alfred. Let's just do this."
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Hold on
I never noticed before how many people
Walk the streets alone at night
How scary they all look
Like this brotha here
Yellin' cursin' kicki n' himself
Is that blood
Where are they going
Her with no clothes sweatin' so hard
Sista marchin' the midnight knife in her hand
No on ever said life was all bliss
What could have led her to this
Why won't they just go home
So I can rest in peace
I met a thirteen year old girl on the street
Renting her body so she could eat
A part of me is ashamed to say
If I were only half the woman as she
I might do the same
Did you know that Denny's stays open
24 hours to everyone
Except those who have been evicted
Have no where to sleep
Can't even affort to buy tea
I never noticed before how long and dark
The night is
Can't even see the steering wheel
Front of my face
Someone tried to break into my ride
Now my back door will not lock
What did he want
Toothbrush I keep in the glove compartment
Blankets in the backseat
Dirty clothes in my trunk
I'll never know
I'll only close one eye
Sleep with my key under my thigh
No one will be tempted to
Drive off with my stuff
Did you know that Kinko's stays open
24 hours to everyone
Except to those who have no flyers to make
They have nothing to say
No where to lay
I think about the very low parts of the lives of
People with fame and wonder
One day when everyone knows my name
If I'll be courageous enough to
Tell them all of this
The world should never know
There have been times
I couldn't afford to eat
Had no where to sleep
My insides are so congested I keep
Attracting the madness that I am in
Had even justified sucide
The world will never know that I skated so thin
A dear friend of mine told me years ago when
My head was too hard to hear
When times appear the worst of all
To be of good cheer because
The lesson is near
But where
Come lesson let me learn you quick
So that I can move on from this mess
I never noticed before how many restrictions
There are to park on so many streets
I'll have to find somewhere soon
If I stop to get gas
I'll have nothing to eat
And where is the moon
Why do they call this a thrift store
When a demin jacket costs 24
Dollars are so few
This night is so cold
My sanity won't last long
These tears will only give me a headache
Put me to sleep
In my dreams I'll remember when
I was beautiful
I could stand tall and hold my head real high
But then that dream will turn to nightmare
Because I won't remember
When where why it all went wrong
Is this all a part of some great plan
I guess even Jesus cried too
How to I get back on my feet
When I pray does God hear me
I park the car
Reflect upon
Pieces of my life this puzzle
Somehow I will jigsaw my way through this maze
Now in the back of my mind
My Big Mama is singing
Amazing Grace will always be
My song of praise
I understand
If His eye is on the sparrow
He got to know me as well
I once was lost now I'm found
Was blind now I see
Now I'm lost again don't know
Where I'm supposed to be
I want this part of me to be that piece
I look back upon
Tell a crowd of youngsters at me feet
Hold on
When life appears
Most bleak
It will get better again
I remember when
Walk the streets alone at night
How scary they all look
Like this brotha here
Yellin' cursin' kicki n' himself
Is that blood
Where are they going
Her with no clothes sweatin' so hard
Sista marchin' the midnight knife in her hand
No on ever said life was all bliss
What could have led her to this
Why won't they just go home
So I can rest in peace
I met a thirteen year old girl on the street
Renting her body so she could eat
A part of me is ashamed to say
If I were only half the woman as she
I might do the same
Did you know that Denny's stays open
24 hours to everyone
Except those who have been evicted
Have no where to sleep
Can't even affort to buy tea
I never noticed before how long and dark
The night is
Can't even see the steering wheel
Front of my face
Someone tried to break into my ride
Now my back door will not lock
What did he want
Toothbrush I keep in the glove compartment
Blankets in the backseat
Dirty clothes in my trunk
I'll never know
I'll only close one eye
Sleep with my key under my thigh
No one will be tempted to
Drive off with my stuff
Did you know that Kinko's stays open
24 hours to everyone
Except to those who have no flyers to make
They have nothing to say
No where to lay
I think about the very low parts of the lives of
People with fame and wonder
One day when everyone knows my name
If I'll be courageous enough to
Tell them all of this
The world should never know
There have been times
I couldn't afford to eat
Had no where to sleep
My insides are so congested I keep
Attracting the madness that I am in
Had even justified sucide
The world will never know that I skated so thin
A dear friend of mine told me years ago when
My head was too hard to hear
When times appear the worst of all
To be of good cheer because
The lesson is near
But where
Come lesson let me learn you quick
So that I can move on from this mess
I never noticed before how many restrictions
There are to park on so many streets
I'll have to find somewhere soon
If I stop to get gas
I'll have nothing to eat
And where is the moon
Why do they call this a thrift store
When a demin jacket costs 24
Dollars are so few
This night is so cold
My sanity won't last long
These tears will only give me a headache
Put me to sleep
In my dreams I'll remember when
I was beautiful
I could stand tall and hold my head real high
But then that dream will turn to nightmare
Because I won't remember
When where why it all went wrong
Is this all a part of some great plan
I guess even Jesus cried too
How to I get back on my feet
When I pray does God hear me
I park the car
Reflect upon
Pieces of my life this puzzle
Somehow I will jigsaw my way through this maze
Now in the back of my mind
My Big Mama is singing
Amazing Grace will always be
My song of praise
I understand
If His eye is on the sparrow
He got to know me as well
I once was lost now I'm found
Was blind now I see
Now I'm lost again don't know
Where I'm supposed to be
I want this part of me to be that piece
I look back upon
Tell a crowd of youngsters at me feet
Hold on
When life appears
Most bleak
It will get better again
I remember when
THE NIKEL chapter 23
Obrey was ill in Amad's apartment in the bedroom trying to get some sleep. Jewel was in her room with the television turned up really loudly anD sang and danced. She chanted a little girl's jump rope song over and over. The room was a mess with Jewel's toys and clothes all over the place. She screamed as she race to thE living room to greet Amad.
"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"
"Hello, angel." He entered the room carrying Jewel. "Party over here, what's up over there!"
Amad noticed how sick Obrey was and put Jewel down. Jewel skipped out of the room with her doll.
"Ohhh, you still sick?"
"I've been calling you all day. Why didn't you call back?"
"My phone went out, my battery was low."
"Your batery is low and I'm stupid, Amad."
"What's up?"
"What do you think? I'm sick as a dog and Jewel is driving me crazy. I have a meeting tomorrow that I'm still not prepared for. I need to get some rest. Amad, I'm too sick to add pissed off with you to that. You're here now. Would you please just turn off the TV so I can sleep?"
Amad turned off the TV and Obrey started to fall asleep when he came back in the room.
"Whew! Jewel is in the bed, so she should be fine. What did you give her to eat to make her so hyper in the first place?" She lifted her head from the covers. "I have to leave for just a few to take care of some business with Malik, but I'll be back soon." He bent to kiss her. When his lips got to her head, she turned around to face him. She put her hands in his face and pushed him away.
"What do you mean you're leaving? Look at me! Look at this place! Jewel isn't even almost asleep and I haven't had any rest all day!"
"I have to take care of this. I won't be gone long I promise."
"Your promises don't mean anything to me. I don't know what all the secret meetings are between you two, but I now it's not right. What's going on? And I don't wanna hear again about what you can't tell me! It does concern me. If it doesn't now it will later."
Amad sighed hard.
"You know Amad, I'm getting real sick of you taking me for granted. Just go and be with your man!"
"Everything I do I do for you and Jewel! But you't stop complaining long enough to see that!"
"You're being very insensitive. I'm sick and you knew I was sick when you left. What is it that is so important that you have to leave right now?"
The front door slammed and Jewel yelled from her room screaming for juice.
The next day at Obrey's house, Willow was there as Obrey dressed and gathered materials in her portfolio and briefcase to go to her meeting. "No! You knew that you were sick when you let him leave! Stop blaming him for everything and start taking some responsibiity for you part in the drama. Did it ever occur to you to just say no, get your keys and go home?"
"Not today, Willow!"
"I'm not being your friend by letting you do this to yourself. Let's calm down for a minute and not let this get out of hand. Obrey, this is me, Willow, your best friend since forever. Give me some credit. You think I don't know you? Look, let me share something with you. You're not going to like it, but listen anyway. Every relationship is fifty fifty or it wouldn't exist. You are geting exactly what you are giving. And you're getting what you're getting because it's what you want."
"Willow Winfrey1 I can't take it, ok?"
"Just look at it. Amad is really possessive and needs to have everything his way and he gets that in this relationship. And for some reason, something inside of you wants to be the victim. So you get to say, 'look what he did to me. Look at everything I do. Look at all the sacrifices I make and look at what I get. Poor me."
Obrey was really angry with her. She stopped gathering materials and closed her briefcase loudly and told her to get out.
"I'll leave. But as your friend it's my job to let you know what's really going on."
"GET OUT RIGHT NOW, WILLOW!" She threw a spool of thread at her as she walked out.
"I'm trying not to take any of your drama personal, but you're pushing it." Willow walked out and Obrey sat alone at her design table upset. She pushed everything off of the table.
Obrey sat in a long comfortable cotton dress at her mother's grave. "I don't know Ma, everything is so confusing these days. I wish you were here to tell me what to do. Funny I should be saying that when I used to hate for you to tell me what to do. I thought I knew everything. Now I know that I don't know nothin'." Pause. "That I don't know anything." She ran her fingers across the headstone.
"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"
"Hello, angel." He entered the room carrying Jewel. "Party over here, what's up over there!"
Amad noticed how sick Obrey was and put Jewel down. Jewel skipped out of the room with her doll.
"Ohhh, you still sick?"
"I've been calling you all day. Why didn't you call back?"
"My phone went out, my battery was low."
"Your batery is low and I'm stupid, Amad."
"What's up?"
"What do you think? I'm sick as a dog and Jewel is driving me crazy. I have a meeting tomorrow that I'm still not prepared for. I need to get some rest. Amad, I'm too sick to add pissed off with you to that. You're here now. Would you please just turn off the TV so I can sleep?"
Amad turned off the TV and Obrey started to fall asleep when he came back in the room.
"Whew! Jewel is in the bed, so she should be fine. What did you give her to eat to make her so hyper in the first place?" She lifted her head from the covers. "I have to leave for just a few to take care of some business with Malik, but I'll be back soon." He bent to kiss her. When his lips got to her head, she turned around to face him. She put her hands in his face and pushed him away.
"What do you mean you're leaving? Look at me! Look at this place! Jewel isn't even almost asleep and I haven't had any rest all day!"
"I have to take care of this. I won't be gone long I promise."
"Your promises don't mean anything to me. I don't know what all the secret meetings are between you two, but I now it's not right. What's going on? And I don't wanna hear again about what you can't tell me! It does concern me. If it doesn't now it will later."
Amad sighed hard.
"You know Amad, I'm getting real sick of you taking me for granted. Just go and be with your man!"
"Everything I do I do for you and Jewel! But you't stop complaining long enough to see that!"
"You're being very insensitive. I'm sick and you knew I was sick when you left. What is it that is so important that you have to leave right now?"
The front door slammed and Jewel yelled from her room screaming for juice.
The next day at Obrey's house, Willow was there as Obrey dressed and gathered materials in her portfolio and briefcase to go to her meeting. "No! You knew that you were sick when you let him leave! Stop blaming him for everything and start taking some responsibiity for you part in the drama. Did it ever occur to you to just say no, get your keys and go home?"
"Not today, Willow!"
"I'm not being your friend by letting you do this to yourself. Let's calm down for a minute and not let this get out of hand. Obrey, this is me, Willow, your best friend since forever. Give me some credit. You think I don't know you? Look, let me share something with you. You're not going to like it, but listen anyway. Every relationship is fifty fifty or it wouldn't exist. You are geting exactly what you are giving. And you're getting what you're getting because it's what you want."
"Willow Winfrey1 I can't take it, ok?"
"Just look at it. Amad is really possessive and needs to have everything his way and he gets that in this relationship. And for some reason, something inside of you wants to be the victim. So you get to say, 'look what he did to me. Look at everything I do. Look at all the sacrifices I make and look at what I get. Poor me."
Obrey was really angry with her. She stopped gathering materials and closed her briefcase loudly and told her to get out.
"I'll leave. But as your friend it's my job to let you know what's really going on."
"GET OUT RIGHT NOW, WILLOW!" She threw a spool of thread at her as she walked out.
"I'm trying not to take any of your drama personal, but you're pushing it." Willow walked out and Obrey sat alone at her design table upset. She pushed everything off of the table.
Obrey sat in a long comfortable cotton dress at her mother's grave. "I don't know Ma, everything is so confusing these days. I wish you were here to tell me what to do. Funny I should be saying that when I used to hate for you to tell me what to do. I thought I knew everything. Now I know that I don't know nothin'." Pause. "That I don't know anything." She ran her fingers across the headstone.
THE NIKEL chapter 22
There was a costume party at The Nikel and the club was even more crowded than usual. There were ghosts and goblins, pimps and prostitutes, men dressed as babies and women as men. Inside of The Say, Essence was a sexy Mrs. Claus and was on stage keeping the crowd rolling with laughter. People were having a good time on all floors of The Nikel.
On the third floor there was a large balcony that overlooked the city and Life stood outside when Hannibal walked up behind him. "Row row row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily merrily merrily merrily Life is but a dream."
Life reached to shake Hannibal's hand. "What's up, Ball?"
Hannibal smiled and made a large circle in the air with his cane very slowly. They stared off the balcony onto the city lights. "Life is exactly how you see it. You focus on the stress and pressures and that's what you pull to you."
"Well, I think I need to do some refocusing and work on my vision."
"Come ride with me, young blood." They walked down the stairs into the back parking lot where Hannibal's limo was parked. When they got to the car a tall bald Asian woman with an eye patch got out to open the door for them. "Young blood, this is Saba. Saba meet Life."
Saba turned around slowly and gave Life a hard, cold stare. She said a chant slowly in Chinese and locked the doors. He looked at the lock and was scared. He looked again at Saba as she turned back around and began to drive off. Hannibal looked at Life holding the door handle. "She likes you." Hannibal said.
The limo's back plates read 5 cents. Hannibal poured two glasses of champagne and gave life one and held the other for himself. Life began to drink as Hannibal spoke. "I came out here from Mississippi when I was nineteen years old. I've always been a smart man even though I couldn't read or write very well. I was staying with this woman, Gloria. Things went bad for us and I found myself without a place to stay so I was on the street for a while. One day I was begging for change in front of a burger stand and I walked up to a man and asked if he could spare a dime or a nickel. That was such a low period of my life. I never thought I would stoop to begging for money, but there I was. He reached in his pockets and handed me a nickel and just stared at me. I said 'thank you' but he just kept staring.
'Young blood, what you gon do with that nickel?' He asked me. 'You can't get a place to stay. You can't buy anything to eat. What are you going to do?' I just stood there ashamed of myself. Then he asked me something I'll never forget. He asked if I was ready to let it all go and live the life I came to live.'
"That's heavy."
"A lot heavier than the nickel I was asking for."
"What was his name?"
"Maub McClintox. He was into real estate and owned a bunch of property downtown. At that time not many black folks owned property in areas that he did and I didn't know any black folks that had the kind of money that he did. But it wasn't just the money. There was something special about him from the inside. He took me in. I did odd handymen jobs for him. I collected rent from some of his tenants. He also owned an art gallery. I spent a lot of time down there. After hours it was a hang out for the local artists, actors, dancers, poets and comedians. They were some of the most incredible folks I'd ever met. I was amazed at their determination to their crafts, and none of them were really makiing much mney. But I always felt that they could have if they had enough of the right oportunities."
"Wow! What happened to him?"
"I came home from the gallery one night and he was sitting in his chair in the living room. Almost as if he was waiting for me. He had such a peaceful expression on his face. He called me over to him and handed me a nickel. This one." Hannibal pulled out a nickel on his chain around his neck in his shirt and showed it to Life. "He told me to pass it on. And then he closed his eyes and left. He was like an angel sent by God to guide me."
Saba pulled the limo in the driveway of hannibal's house. She got out and opened the door for Hannibal. Life moved over to get out on the same side but when he got out she placed a long sword across his chest and put her face very close to his and repeated the same Chinese chant. He pushed passed her. "Crazy voo doo chick!" He noticed that Hannibal was already in the house and ran after him. When he got in he noticed that there were many beautiful women in the house. He followed Hannibal up the stairs to a room.
Hannibal pulled open the door and a very beutiful black womman in her late 50's was there. She looked like a dancer. She had long gray locks and sat on the floor on the window dressed in a flowing cotton white dress. She smiled when she saw Hannibal.
"Beloved." She said peacefully.
"Beloved." Hannibal responded in the same tone. Hannibal helped her stand and he bent to his knees and kissed her forehead and stepped into the bathroom adjacent to the room. He qucikly returned with a large bolwl of water and placed it on the floor. As she sat he stared at Hannibal as he washed and kissed her feet. Life had never seen him like that.
"Please meet Life." Hannibal said.
Olivia stareda t Life for a long moment silently with a speaceful expression on her face. She took her hand and closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. After she exhaled, she looked at his palm. "Life." Olivia said.
"Young blood, this is my wife."
"Pleased to met you, ma'am."
"And pleased to meet you, Life." Olivia folded her rug that she sat on and left the room. Hannibal lovingly watched her as she closed teh door behind her.
"You two must share something really special."
Hannibal smiled.
"How long have you known each other?"
"We've always known each other." Hannibal said.
"Ok?"
Hannibal sat behiind his desk and pulled a cigar from teh box and put it in his mouth. Life pulled a lighter from his pocket and attempted to light the cigar. hannibal hild his hand up and refused the light. "Sit down." He sat on the chair in front of the desk. "What's going on, young blood?"
"Just trying to make some sense of my life right now."
"What's so confusing about it?"
"I'm in a space where I feel like everything I thought I knew., I'm finding out that I don't. The things and people I thought would make me happy...aren't. I'm questioning my motives and the motives of the people just yesteray I would have shared everything with. I'm unsure about where my career is headed or if it will even exist for me in a year or two. There is a void in my life and I keep trying to fill it with who and what I have. Of course the more I try, the stronger the pain gets. It's like I'm missing the most essential vitamin from my diet and I'm sick because of it. I would take it, only I don't know what it is or where to get it. But if I don't take it soon, I know I'm not going to survive."
Hannibal looked at him for a moment and then spoke. "A young man was walking along a path and approached an older man. The youngster asked for food. The older man led him to the river and instructed him to follow him into the water. He put the youngsters head under the water and held it there. Of course he began to struggle for air. He fought and fought until he could free himself from bondage. See?"
"See what?" Life asked.
"The youngster freed himself from bondage and was able to breathe. But he freed himself because he wanted to live. That's how much you have to want to live. To be freed from what is holding you back you have to want it sas if your life depended on it. Because it does. See?"
Life sat in the chair and stared off into space. Olivia tapped on the door then entered whith a platter of fruit and tea. She served them tea and Hannibal invited her to sit with them. She sat next to Hannibal and they looked lovingly at him as he stared out of the window.
On the third floor there was a large balcony that overlooked the city and Life stood outside when Hannibal walked up behind him. "Row row row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily merrily merrily merrily Life is but a dream."
Life reached to shake Hannibal's hand. "What's up, Ball?"
Hannibal smiled and made a large circle in the air with his cane very slowly. They stared off the balcony onto the city lights. "Life is exactly how you see it. You focus on the stress and pressures and that's what you pull to you."
"Well, I think I need to do some refocusing and work on my vision."
"Come ride with me, young blood." They walked down the stairs into the back parking lot where Hannibal's limo was parked. When they got to the car a tall bald Asian woman with an eye patch got out to open the door for them. "Young blood, this is Saba. Saba meet Life."
Saba turned around slowly and gave Life a hard, cold stare. She said a chant slowly in Chinese and locked the doors. He looked at the lock and was scared. He looked again at Saba as she turned back around and began to drive off. Hannibal looked at Life holding the door handle. "She likes you." Hannibal said.
The limo's back plates read 5 cents. Hannibal poured two glasses of champagne and gave life one and held the other for himself. Life began to drink as Hannibal spoke. "I came out here from Mississippi when I was nineteen years old. I've always been a smart man even though I couldn't read or write very well. I was staying with this woman, Gloria. Things went bad for us and I found myself without a place to stay so I was on the street for a while. One day I was begging for change in front of a burger stand and I walked up to a man and asked if he could spare a dime or a nickel. That was such a low period of my life. I never thought I would stoop to begging for money, but there I was. He reached in his pockets and handed me a nickel and just stared at me. I said 'thank you' but he just kept staring.
'Young blood, what you gon do with that nickel?' He asked me. 'You can't get a place to stay. You can't buy anything to eat. What are you going to do?' I just stood there ashamed of myself. Then he asked me something I'll never forget. He asked if I was ready to let it all go and live the life I came to live.'
"That's heavy."
"A lot heavier than the nickel I was asking for."
"What was his name?"
"Maub McClintox. He was into real estate and owned a bunch of property downtown. At that time not many black folks owned property in areas that he did and I didn't know any black folks that had the kind of money that he did. But it wasn't just the money. There was something special about him from the inside. He took me in. I did odd handymen jobs for him. I collected rent from some of his tenants. He also owned an art gallery. I spent a lot of time down there. After hours it was a hang out for the local artists, actors, dancers, poets and comedians. They were some of the most incredible folks I'd ever met. I was amazed at their determination to their crafts, and none of them were really makiing much mney. But I always felt that they could have if they had enough of the right oportunities."
"Wow! What happened to him?"
"I came home from the gallery one night and he was sitting in his chair in the living room. Almost as if he was waiting for me. He had such a peaceful expression on his face. He called me over to him and handed me a nickel. This one." Hannibal pulled out a nickel on his chain around his neck in his shirt and showed it to Life. "He told me to pass it on. And then he closed his eyes and left. He was like an angel sent by God to guide me."
Saba pulled the limo in the driveway of hannibal's house. She got out and opened the door for Hannibal. Life moved over to get out on the same side but when he got out she placed a long sword across his chest and put her face very close to his and repeated the same Chinese chant. He pushed passed her. "Crazy voo doo chick!" He noticed that Hannibal was already in the house and ran after him. When he got in he noticed that there were many beautiful women in the house. He followed Hannibal up the stairs to a room.
Hannibal pulled open the door and a very beutiful black womman in her late 50's was there. She looked like a dancer. She had long gray locks and sat on the floor on the window dressed in a flowing cotton white dress. She smiled when she saw Hannibal.
"Beloved." She said peacefully.
"Beloved." Hannibal responded in the same tone. Hannibal helped her stand and he bent to his knees and kissed her forehead and stepped into the bathroom adjacent to the room. He qucikly returned with a large bolwl of water and placed it on the floor. As she sat he stared at Hannibal as he washed and kissed her feet. Life had never seen him like that.
"Please meet Life." Hannibal said.
Olivia stareda t Life for a long moment silently with a speaceful expression on her face. She took her hand and closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. After she exhaled, she looked at his palm. "Life." Olivia said.
"Young blood, this is my wife."
"Pleased to met you, ma'am."
"And pleased to meet you, Life." Olivia folded her rug that she sat on and left the room. Hannibal lovingly watched her as she closed teh door behind her.
"You two must share something really special."
Hannibal smiled.
"How long have you known each other?"
"We've always known each other." Hannibal said.
"Ok?"
Hannibal sat behiind his desk and pulled a cigar from teh box and put it in his mouth. Life pulled a lighter from his pocket and attempted to light the cigar. hannibal hild his hand up and refused the light. "Sit down." He sat on the chair in front of the desk. "What's going on, young blood?"
"Just trying to make some sense of my life right now."
"What's so confusing about it?"
"I'm in a space where I feel like everything I thought I knew., I'm finding out that I don't. The things and people I thought would make me happy...aren't. I'm questioning my motives and the motives of the people just yesteray I would have shared everything with. I'm unsure about where my career is headed or if it will even exist for me in a year or two. There is a void in my life and I keep trying to fill it with who and what I have. Of course the more I try, the stronger the pain gets. It's like I'm missing the most essential vitamin from my diet and I'm sick because of it. I would take it, only I don't know what it is or where to get it. But if I don't take it soon, I know I'm not going to survive."
Hannibal looked at him for a moment and then spoke. "A young man was walking along a path and approached an older man. The youngster asked for food. The older man led him to the river and instructed him to follow him into the water. He put the youngsters head under the water and held it there. Of course he began to struggle for air. He fought and fought until he could free himself from bondage. See?"
"See what?" Life asked.
"The youngster freed himself from bondage and was able to breathe. But he freed himself because he wanted to live. That's how much you have to want to live. To be freed from what is holding you back you have to want it sas if your life depended on it. Because it does. See?"
Life sat in the chair and stared off into space. Olivia tapped on the door then entered whith a platter of fruit and tea. She served them tea and Hannibal invited her to sit with them. She sat next to Hannibal and they looked lovingly at him as he stared out of the window.
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