I wasn’t there. Neither were you. But as sure as the red, black and blue bruises spread over Bridget Gray’s face on November 13, it happened. Every day a new face with new bruises, new stories go ignored. “Be quiet.” “Be a good girl.” “Girl, don’t be puttin’ yo business out there like that!” “He didn’t mean it.” “Get over it!”
Bridget is a good, long time friend of mine and so seeing the photos of her face surely brought sadness to my heart. Here is the paragraph where I am tempted to insert in detail what an awesome and powerful woman she is. What a talented performer, poet and artist she is. How she has been so outspoken against abuse against women. What a friend she is to so many. Does any of that matter? If this happened to any other woman, would it be less tragic. No.
Bridget Gray, now residing in Hawaii, was traveling through Puna with her then boyfriend when an argument ensued. I won’t go into all of the details but in the end a physical confrontation occurred resulting in the bruises on her face. And the emotional scars she is carrying. That’s the story in a very small nutshell.
I don’t know all of the whys and how comes of this specific case. What I know for sure is that the bruises keep showing up. On too many faces. Keep getting swept under too many rugs. I don’t know THE solution. I do know that silence is not our friend. I honor Bridget Gray for speaking out. I honor her for standing, though tears silently falling, in the center of the whispers, the negative comments posted, the women who would come forward and support but are too afraid, too ready to move on.
I’m not insensitive here, I understand the fear. Years ago I listened to a woman get beat in her apartment, and I did nothing. Because I was afraid. Afraid. I don’t know what happened to her but I never saw her again. I never heard her through my walls again. I don’t know what happened, but sometimes my mind thinks the worse. Where did my fears get her? She, I never knew her name, will always be with me. When will we realize that there is no going forward while we have a sister with ice packs on her cheeks? Our brothers, our sisters, we, have pain and anger we don’t know what to do with. There is no moving on with all of the suffering in the air. There is no stepping over it. Not really. The bruises on her face are OUR bruises.
That night in my apartment I told myself not to get involved, because I was afraid. I am not alone. There were times that you could have done something. You could have stepped forward. What did you tell you?
My prayers to you Bridget, and many many others.
Jaha Zainabu
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE
Anonymous and confidential help 24/7
(Elizabeth Multer)
so true. thanks for posting this. it seems as though we think we are out of danger, but more and more women i know are reporting this - either themselves or close friends - going through this violence.
it's time we did something bigger than this, though. and we are powerful together...
FOR ALL GIRLS WHO'VE CONSIDERED SILENCE WHEN VIOLENCE IS TOO MUCH...
(and make no mistake tyler perry be not directing the film version of that...)
(Brad Sanders)
Wow.... If only we knew how to value our women for what God created them to be...God Bless you Bridget. You too Jaha. This is why seven year ago we, Deya Smith,Rev. Clyde Oden and myself under the auspices of On The Phone With Ti-Rone, started Be Good To Women Day. The next is Tuesday March 23, 2010 Let's use this and all of our combined resources... See More to increase awareness. Humanity can not move forward unless we respect women world wide. However, we must all begin this process in our own relationships. Peace
(Imani Tolliver)
Oh my, Jaha. Blessed Bridget. Thank you for telling her story, for being a witness. For being her friend and mine. I will re-post too. Thank you for breaking the silence of Bridget's horrific experience - you stand with her, I stand with her, so many more now will stand that you have spoken her truth as a sister, comrade, friend. What matters... See More most is not what we did, or didn't do in our past, what matters most is what we do when when have learned how to unfold to the strength we are, to the beauty we are in our present. And speaking, standing for our sisters and friends, oh love, is a beautiful breaking of the silences that quieted my mother, myself as a girl. Again, thank you for speaking for and loving Bridget so beautifully. My heart and prayers go to her, now.
(Mary Campbell)
We must assist those who are receiving the abuse. AND for the abusers, they probably have been the abused in the past. Thanks for the stand you are. All of us can look back on times when we didn't stand up for something. Your shares give us all courage.
(Evy Trezvant)
Bridget We admire you for your bravery mama!
(Daron Woods Davis)
When it came to a Man I was slow to fight, when it came to a Woman I was quick to strke! Manhood was missin but I still tried to hide...A Coward, no self-esteem or pride! I have been the Abuser (I say that with Humility, not Haughtiness) but through years and tears, jail-cells and livin hell I have learned my lesson! As bold and courageous as it is... See More for the Victim to speak up, we the Victimizers should step up! We can reach and teach and share our stories as well, and help to stop the Madness! To Bridget Gray (and all others) I apologize! As sure as you didn't deserve this...I assure you that GOD and the Universe will WHOOP THAT ASS FOR YOU!!!
(Michelle Gubbay)
thank you Jaha and everyone for the words of healing that go out far and wide. from the bottom of my heart. Jaha, your posting touches a deep personal place in me, as in so many ... Bridget, oh Bridget, you are embraced for your courage where you were told you should be ashamed (and I have known what that shame is, many years ago, now healed -- ... See Moreor almost -- but knowing the world is not yet healed, women and men together are not yet healed, or lovers whoever they may be) -- ah, Stevie Wonder, "Love's in need of love today" ....
(Shirley Rodgers)
My heart goes out to Bridget. You are right,silence gives power to the abuser. There are not enough shelters for batterd women. It is time we open our homes as a place to rest and heal.
(Rhaine Waters)
What it's ashame that women go through these things and to think there are still men that say" what did she say or do".....There is no reason for the abuse of a living creature....I repeat!!!
(Ursula Campbell)
I have been looking at these pictures since she posted them. You know We are all friends connected by a beautiful strong past. Young people, on fire with the passion that burned so hot inside we had to shine, and we did that together in Los Angeles. You sisters of mine do not know how you saved my life. That was my life before I met you all. You made me brave enough to ever get on stage and work through my pain. Seeing you, being honored by your spirits and courage. I'm so glad my daughters have known women like you. Women who can't be shut up or shut down. Women and men who fight to take us all the the next level. Thank you.
Anger, and so many emotions when I see Bridget like this. I know this woman. We used to hang out. I considered her one of my best friends and I always wonder how she is. Seeing her on stage and in her own home and going through the experience of her learning who she was as an artist and how amazing she was and is...being an artist myself I know. You look so confident and beautiful and shit on stage. People want your autograph and become your fan, but you still have insecurities and you don't always believe your own hype. You're still a girl.
I was just talking about the abuse I went through to someone last night. It happened 14 years ago, and I still feel where I was hit, choked, and stunned, saddened, so very saddened, especially when I didn't leave right away. I waited a week or two after I was raped while pregnant before I left....
These things happen in our lives and it's not easy. There's all kind of pain. There's levels of overstanding, fear, and courage. We are 360% of experience.
Men don't really even raise their voice at me anymore. I learned more about myself and try not to take the good things for granted.
I would just ask all of us who have been moved this to allow this experience to raise our vibration. Bridget going through this threshold of pain can usher many more of us to the next level. Thank you.
(Sandra Loraine Coleman)
I can relate as a victim of 15 years of domestic abuse myself, my heart, my prayers, and my love goes out to Bridget. I have no pictures except the ones that my mind snapped, looking at my self and then hiding in darkness until the bruises could be managed with a believable lie. That "fear" is a slick one, fear of anyone finding out, fear of what... See More he will do if anyone does find out. I often wondered why no one ever called the police when a 7 ft man was beating me so severely ... imagine being punched, kicked, slapped and thrown around like a rag doll. In time the bruises heal but the mental and emotional scars linger for years.
Jaha, Bridget is brave but so are you for standing with her and sharing her story ... and let us pray that your neighbor decided that being beaten was not going to become a part of her life and she removed herself from that situation. It sounds to me like in your silence you found a voice for justice of your sisters and we thank you! To Bridget, sis your are precious, strong, beautiful, talented, loving, giving, etc., even when you are bruised, that only changes the outside temporarily ... the inside if you let it. Trust me when I say you can turn this tragedy into treasure it is up to you to fingure out how ... personally I think you did when you became a voice for those that are not saying. Bless both of you and feel free to call me anytime for I am in full support of your cause. I am so luv'n u!!!
(Bridgette Feltus)
ursula, you speak truth. we are not only sisters, we are all one. transcendence takes courage and unity...
(Mary Campbell)
@Daron,
Thank you for making yourself vulnerable in the face of our wanting to point fingers. Victims and Victimizers are the flip side of the same coin. You cannot have one without the other. When we get that ALL of us are capable of ALL of it, real forgiveness can occur.
(Ariel English)
2 years and one gorgeous baby boy later and i still am overcome with a fear i can't explain some days, it's a classic symptom of PTSD, having a name for it eases the anxiety and yet i am still captive of the man i made my husband. i fear his reappearance, i fear his legal hold on my son, i fear my own inability to love anyone because i have loved ... See Moreso foolishly for so long. i got out because i had amir to think of, bridget if you hear this, i remember you, fierce in the spotlight of many an LA event, i was there too, usually in the same capacity. i remember those women we were and the women we are, the wounds heal but we are forever changed. you are not alone. none of us are. thank you jaha, hermana de alma
(Jaha Zainabu)
all of the fierceness on the la poetry scene. we, the big, bad, bold, beautiful women with so much to say. and we didnt know this about each other. sigh. we hid scars, physical and emotional, we ran from lovers, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, we got on stage...and said everything else. i was talking to v kali, yes, dear poetry mama v, and asked her why we (poets, artists) keep going through this...stuff. she replied, "because you will tell it."
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