Rhythm

Tie me into your locks So I can hear the music in your head Before the others do Dance me lightly into your tange foot groove We step left foot first then right Your blood pumps in sync with mine in 3/4 all the time Me and you Is different Sing me softly with heavy vibrato into your lullabies I will know right then that you love me Weave me into your butt naked dreams Where you are begging me please To take your hand and follow you into forever Take me I wanna go Roll me up real tight Smoke me in your jane Exhale the black green red and khaki fatigue in me I will stand fist raised gun cocked for our kingdom And I will dare a muthafucka to invade Make me unafraid to love you back Loose my inhibitions and I will love you lovely Giving understanding new To the stress of our very everyday When we unite Our world will be transformed Carmex me beautiful on lips Full of promises kept I will speak in cadence often Of my love never ever ending for you boldly Vaseline me greasy on knees ashy From rising always after being knocked unjust I honor the essence of you Smell you every time I close my eyes You lie beautiful underneath me Walk like a king righteous I will submit Humble soon comfortable Knowing my back is got Sit shiva facing me I massage real life into your scalp Beeswax sticky on my palms Tell me you love me I will believe

Musings

Today I heard a gunshot in the alley under my window I am not wise to the makes and sizes of guns I am a poet an artist a mother Three shots to be precise not just me somebody else hadta heard it too We are up in arms when white cops kill black boys while we rape our women on the way to the rally Where are the waves fists behind this It is three in the afternoon A sunny day June These are the things that riot my headspace when I endeavor to write about Grandmothers Garvey Drums Rallies Relationships Relevance My poems are little now Perhaps someones life has ended No one has missed a beat At the liquor store Crazy Melvin is begging for change Rolanda the crackhead is selling pussy In unit B Demarco is smoking pcp The couple downstairs is making love I am listening because it is beautiful I imagine she lies face downward grips the headboard tightfisted While he is stroking inside of her long thick The cushion of her backside is Christmas Merlot Rent paid The fucking is good I am never short of stories on Buckingham Rd And elegant name for a street with such drama Even more ironic that it intersects King Yesterday someone pissed in the hallway The ice cream truck comes by after dark Pushing weed, swishers and Philly blunts Trent Allen was shot in the head for his 280z Zuri Williams shot Jerome Richardson shot Myra Carmichael eleventh grade Shot in the face by her boyfriend who said if he couldn't have her then no one would There were no rallies Last October brothas set off fireworks for two and a half hours starting at 1 in the am A boy jumped off a building because his classmates harrassed him for being gay And so what With all of us looking for love we should be celebrated for finding it at all I would like to blame this on the white man It is 11pm I am up writing While I am grilled stuft burrito 1 in 8 go to bed hungry in the U.S. alone who knows the numbers on who don't have a bed to go to at all I am in search of the who of who I am on the Saturday night in Los Angeles Where someone is being asked to dance Bishop Collins is preparing his message Maybe tomorrow he wil not just shout it from the pulpit but explain how one just gives it to Jesus And Good Times don't come on local networks no more Maybe Michael was too black too strong for TV Thelma to gorgeous to be nappy and brownskinned I surmise they killed off James because white America couldn't handle a black man sticking with his family through bad times I am writing The musings and prophecies just come Like Wednesday before last the children were out front playing Two boys and a girl on one side Three boys to the other A volley ball type game Except there was one boy in the middle In my day I am old enough to have a day We called it keep away Now, monkey in the middle This I will find a way to blame on the white man But life in the hood aint always bad On Fridays Hank the dealer buys books and balloons and toys for the children who don't have much The grandmamas and granddaddies are ma'am and sir The peace and sage sistas are Miss Ladies Lil Andre carries the groceries for Mama Jerome when her boy aint around But the splendor of moments like these and more is shadowed by my neighbor Claire getting the fuck beat out of her by her boyfriend I don't know his name But every kick follows a Stupid bitch this every slap a silly muthafucka that I am so sorry I cannot make her have a better life Where are the rallies for this It is Saturday night in the Jungle and I am just writing

Dear Uraeus

I am sorry that this is the world you get I wanted a safer place for you 1. I am watching news on ABC wondering if they are going to say something about the execution of Troy Anthony Davis yesterday Nothing I am sad for all of us Weeping for those who rejoice in any man's death Justice should look different from this If it will not be fair It should at least be sure Uraeus, do not ride in a car with three or more black boys 2. I am not ready to write this story about us There is too much too sad on TV news I don't know what channel I am watching As if channels matter I am too old too emotional too sensitive too hormonal Too not ready to celebrate to commerate to honor to acknowledge to look at twenty years of the L.A. uprising Uraeus, I hold you too tightly too often 3. This is a reminder of burned buildings bricks through windshields on heads looted televisions Human beings not relating too many whys A reminder of our fear There are triggers all around me The store clerk following young black boys down isle three up five back down seven Dearheart, I love you and will not lose you to this foolishness 4. I cannot pray for my son without praying for myself for my fear the fear I inherited from my grandmother and her mother and hers all the way back to wrinkled red clay gold blueblack woman heard her boy was gone The stories keep coming One black boy after another Beloved, I will not rear you with my fear I will not rear you with my fear I will not rear you with my fear I am reminding myself 5. We scrub blood stain out of concrete Tomorrow we will get her through tomorrow Let our communal love be enough to carry her through the night These mothers Tre'von's Oscar's Amadu's Emmitt's Sean's What will we have left of him if we wrase the blood stain We scrub and we are afraid girls will skip rope boys will bounce balls not remember his name and his name his name Our heads over red bucket filled with tears with pinesol amonia with bleach This should be no parent's lot This is the rainbow Ntozake called enuf Love, Mom

This something called us

Your capable Vunerable fingertips Hold me like secret Inside your skin Your nails Bite Into my whisper name Say my name say my name I almost forget what had happened With us The hot and cold of me You and your closed mouth Hungry for a normal I cannot give myself So we dance This One step three step Awkward Off beat Snapping where we should clap In the midst of this waning and ascending This fire and freeze called us I do love you still Still the hardest parts of me soften When I see you smile The coldest days of me Crack open when you hold me both armded My nose in your neck My heels on your toes Tight I'm not running away Need time to gather Pieces of myself I loaned to lovers Who didn't know they still had them Time to collect my self respect From days too dark I can't go into alone Not even in a poem But I do For you I do for myself And anyone needing time and space Doesn't always end happily The request doesn't come with promises Just know I'm doing the best I can for you Making me a better me

Never misquote a poet

1. She will hunt you down with the truth of her phrase and hurt you with correction. Every word in the proper place is important. 2. Don't bother using quotations if you will not get the shit right. 3. Do not "whatever" or "same thing" our words away with the dismissive wave of your hand. Never misquote a poet Say it how she said it Or leave it the fuck alone Until you are given written permission to paraphrase

Me with Brooke Rose part 2

She's been talking to me. Not out loud but in my mind Brooke has been talking to me. Going on and on too. The first time I was in the bathroom and I felt her wanting to say something. She hadn't yet, but I could feel it. You ever feel like that.

Me: What?

B: You scared of me?

Me: No I'm not scared.

B: That's what you wrote. You wrote that you were scared of my ghost.

Me: I'm not scared scared. I mean, I don't want to see you or hear you out loud or really dream about you or anything like that. And when I don't want to hear you in my head then I want you to go away.

B: So those are the rules?

Me: For now yes. And I don't want to feel you. And if I feel like you're driving me crazy then you gotta go away forever.

B: Tell my story ok?

Me: How did you die?

B: Not now.

Me: That's your story though. How you died? Where are you? Are you stuck here? Did you see a light and just didn't go into it because you have to find out how you died and you found out and now you want me to tell people how you died?

B: That's not it. I won't work like that.

Me: We're not working. You paying me for this? How did you find out about me anyway? Why me?

B: You write about dead children a lot, why?

Me: How did you know about that?

B: I know a lot of things. I don't know how I know them. This world is different. It doesn't have to be that much different but it is.

Me: What do you mean "it doesn't have to be that much different?"

B: Well, now when I need something I know that if I really need it then it will show up and it does everytime. It's like, remember in The Matrix when the lady needed to know how to ride a motocycle and then it all came to her. Or was it the man riding the bike? But you know what I mean right? Well, it's like that.

You can do that too. You don't know it. But you can.

Me: How do you know about The Martix? You died in the eigth grade.

B: I told you. I know a lot of things.

Me: Are you going to tell me how you died?

B: Stop saying died.

Me: I don't know why I keep saying that. I don't usually. Usually I say passed away or something like that.

B: I haven't passed anywhere. I'm right here.

Me: Yeah but you different. You know that.

B: I know you have to get ready but I got it, you don't want to see me, feel me, hear me out loud.

Me: And don't drive me crazy.

B: And don't drive you crazy. And you'll tell my story. I have my own pace. Don't drive me crazy.

Me: And don't drive you crazy.

The what the why

Teenagers shot and killed in Wilmington, CA
A ten year old killed in a fight
What?

A fight about what
Shot and killed for what

And while the what is relevant
What difference is the what
Because our babies are dead
For nothing

Mothers and fathers
Friends and families
Are grieving and wailing
Stuck tears and stained tissues
For what

Because somebody said...
Somebody had to prove...
Because nobody walked away

Because we weren't there

The today

We were at Rochelle's
Sisterfriends sharing stories about our hoods
Because everybody's got a story about theirs
We are all storytellers

Little girl around the corner from Blue
Named Melody can sing better thank Lauren Hill
Since she was three

Tara's neighbor's cousin had twins named
Remi and Martin who grew up to be
Drug and alcohol rehab counselors
They say Remi had a girl she named Moet
But I don't believe that
We just can't let a story be good enough
You know

But Michelle
Michelle was too quiet
She aint never quiet

Rocky
The woman upstairs from her
Had a ten year old boy who played basketball
Around the block
Comin' home about to jog up the steps to her house
Somebody shot him

We've all heard stories about kids
Shot on the way home
Mothers crying
Daddies falling to their knees

This time
With Michelle
We got quiet with her
Took a moment to breathe
To be that boy's mother

What it was like to fill a red bucket
With pinesol with ammonia with Ajax with bleach
Scrub the cement walk with brush and tears
While others walk by
Like this common
Like this is her duty

This is no mother's duty

We breathed in the fumes
Halfway hoping that they might kill us too
This is the rainbow Ntozake called enuf

Too many colors
And we go from red to blue to green
Back to black and red so fast
We can't keep track

Of our bills
Of our lives

It is everything to put on lipstick
Skirt and shoes
Stockings are a joke a memory a luxury

There are no songs to hum as we scrub
We take turns
Scrubbing our stories
About life
About when we used to laugh
How we used to love

We hold each other
Because our collective energy might just
Make up almost enough for
The next woman to breathe and make it till morning

We will get her through tomorrow
Tomorrow
Today we keep scrubbing

We keep making up songs to sing
About mornings yet to come

THE NIKEL chapter 26

Amad was at the bank teller's window. The teller asked him to have a seat for a moment. Meanwhile in the parking lot, Malik was talking to the security guard he knew. The teller made a phone call and Amad looked at his watch. He saw a couple that seemed to be very much in love. They were in the bank line hugging and kissing. The woman was pregnant and the man held their son's hand. The young boy looked to be about Jewel's age. Amad imagined that they were him and Obrey and that Obrey was pregnant.

Just outside, the police quietly raced down the street. Amad didn't see the guard coming toward him. When he did see the officers Amad tried to leave unnoticed but they grabbed him. He was escorted in handcuffs out of the bank. As the police put him in the back of the police car he saw Malik drive off.

THE NIKEL chapter 25

Before the cruise, Obrey and Life went for a walk in Kenneth Hahn Park. "You called me. Are we here for the exercise?" Life asked sarcastically.

"We broke up."

"Figured that. What happened?"

"I was as honest with him as I could be about everything. Not just about us, our probelms started long before us. I told him I wasn't ready to get married. That even if I was, I don't think it would be to him. There's just no real trust with us. These days, everything I want from him I'm getting from you."

"Everything?"

She ignored the question. "With Amad, sometimes I feel so second to everything and everyone."

"What did he say?"

"He got angry. And in the end he said that he never wants to see me again."

"He didn't meant it. That's just the anger talking. It sounds like you still love him though."

"I do. I don't think I realized how much until the other day."

"What happened?"

"Willow and I had a fight."

"What? Everything ok?"

"It will be. We haven't talked since then and I feel strange about that. She was right though. She said that I've been spending so much time focusing on what Amad was doing to me and playing the victim. The more I thought about how unfair I felt he was, the more he would do. She said I wanted to be able to say 'look what he did to me' and now owning my part of the drama."

THE NIKEL chapter 24

Life and Saundra were having drinks on the floor in front of the fireplace. "Something's going on with you and before we go on an eight day cruise together, I wanna get it cleared up, or I'm staying here." Life knew it was time to come clean about everything. "Is is somebody else?"

He knew she would ask that. "No."

"But...?"

"Ok, well, there is no way to say this straight without looking like a jerk or hurting anyone. Saundra, I really love you."

"Then answer my question."

"I will answer your question, I just need you to let me say what I have to say at my own pace, baby. Please?"

"Go ahead."

"Well, you are the woman that I love. I've just had a lot of on my mind lately and I know I'm not the best at talking things out and sometimes I just don't wanna worry you." Life rambled on long enough and he must have read that on her face. "I have met someone. It's not what you think. I'm just able to talk to her. Not that I can't talk to you. I think it's just easy because I'm not as close to her as I am to you. I'm not as close to anyone as I am to you. You know, as a performer people always have these misconceptions about me that I just pull people into me and make friends easily and that I'm really confident. I'm not. You know me. You know I'm not. I'm just telling you that because I don't want you to think that I'm just all out there like that. I'm not. I just needed someone I could talk to like that and that's what we have."

"Do you love her?"

"Not like that. I mean, I love her like who she is but I don't think I'm in love with her?"

"You don't think so, Life? Then who should I ask? Should I call her and ask her if you love her? Huh?"

"It's not so much love as it is what she represents in my life right now."

"Which is what?"

"Just someone helping me get to the next level. Someone I can talk to. I know that this isn't the easiest thing for you to hear...but I can't lie to you. None of this takes away from what I feel for you. I'm so confused. I want you to know that this isn't about her. It's just, I'm not so overly careful about her...feelings. Because she's not my woman I feel free to just...talk. I need to get back on whatever path I'm supposed to be on. Saundra, I know how soap opera crazy all of this sounds to you, but I was just walking around with all of this and it's too heavy now. I do love you." He leaned in to kiss her but she backed away crying.

"I love you too. But you know what? I love me more. And you're right; whatever baggage you're walking around with is your baggage. Not mine. And I dont deserve the way you've been treating me. I can't believe you. I was walking around feeling all guilty like I had done something or that I wasn't supportive enough. I thought you were stressing because of your family and the label. I feel like a fool now, knowing that you've been cheating. I knew. I just didn't want to see it."

"This isn't about sex...I..."

"There are many kinds of intimacy and many forms of cheating. What we share is more than sex. There are certain areas of my life that I reserve for you. You. The fact that you felt that you had to sneak and give what was ours to someone else meant that you knew you were cheating."

"It's not like that, baby..."

"Stop! If you're going to stop lying to me, then stop lying to yourself first. I know that this isn't just about her. But excuse me for harping on it. It's the first time we've talked about her. However long it's been going on, you've had that long until now to deal with it." She paused and began to cry again. He took her hand for a moment then pulled it away. "At first I thought it was some kind of phase you were going through and I would hang in there to show you how good I could be for you. You think I don't know what your friends think about me? That I'm some gold digger only after you because of who you are. But you know what? They're right. I did see gold in you and I was after that. But good in you, Life. You. Having nothing to do with what you have. You know, I would love to see us work out, and who knows, maybe when you get Life straightened out, we can do this. But there is no guarentte that I'll be here. Goodbye, Life." She got up and walked out.

She didnt know where she was going when she left, she just knew she had to get out of there. In a hurry! Now she was feeling worse about not telling him. That was the perfect oportunity and she blew it again. It was just too much to hear him say that he met someone he could talk to. That hurt. It would have been easier to hear that it didn't mean any thing and it was just sex. No it would't have.

The next morning she surprised Life and herself and showed up at the port in Long Beach. She didn't really know what she was doing there. She was angry with him, with herself. She needed to be able to talk to him. She didnt want to talk but she needed to be able to. Eight days without being able to do that would have been bad for both of them. She showed up. Bag in hand.

"Is that all you have?"

"I'm here ok."

"Where did you stay last night?"

She just looked at him.

"I was just worried that's all. Look, I'm glad you're here. I know you're upset and you have every right to be, but can we get through this without you punishing me the whole trip? This is still business for me and it's hard enough already."

"I'm cool, Alfred. Let's just do this."

Hold on

I never noticed before how many people
Walk the streets alone at night
How scary they all look
Like this brotha here
Yellin' cursin' kicki n' himself
Is that blood

Where are they going
Her with no clothes sweatin' so hard
Sista marchin' the midnight knife in her hand
No on ever said life was all bliss
What could have led her to this
Why won't they just go home
So I can rest in peace

I met a thirteen year old girl on the street
Renting her body so she could eat
A part of me is ashamed to say
If I were only half the woman as she
I might do the same

Did you know that Denny's stays open
24 hours to everyone
Except those who have been evicted
Have no where to sleep
Can't even affort to buy tea

I never noticed before how long and dark
The night is
Can't even see the steering wheel
Front of my face
Someone tried to break into my ride
Now my back door will not lock

What did he want
Toothbrush I keep in the glove compartment
Blankets in the backseat
Dirty clothes in my trunk

I'll never know
I'll only close one eye
Sleep with my key under my thigh
No one will be tempted to
Drive off with my stuff

Did you know that Kinko's stays open
24 hours to everyone
Except to those who have no flyers to make
They have nothing to say
No where to lay
I think about the very low parts of the lives of
People with fame and wonder
One day when everyone knows my name
If I'll be courageous enough to
Tell them all of this

The world should never know
There have been times
I couldn't afford to eat
Had no where to sleep
My insides are so congested I keep
Attracting the madness that I am in
Had even justified sucide
The world will never know that I skated so thin

A dear friend of mine told me years ago when
My head was too hard to hear
When times appear the worst of all
To be of good cheer because
The lesson is near
But where
Come lesson let me learn you quick
So that I can move on from this mess

I never noticed before how many restrictions
There are to park on so many streets
I'll have to find somewhere soon
If I stop to get gas
I'll have nothing to eat
And where is the moon

Why do they call this a thrift store
When a demin jacket costs 24
Dollars are so few
This night is so cold
My sanity won't last long

These tears will only give me a headache
Put me to sleep
In my dreams I'll remember when
I was beautiful

I could stand tall and hold my head real high
But then that dream will turn to nightmare
Because I won't remember
When where why it all went wrong

Is this all a part of some great plan
I guess even Jesus cried too
How to I get back on my feet
When I pray does God hear me

I park the car
Reflect upon
Pieces of my life this puzzle
Somehow I will jigsaw my way through this maze
Now in the back of my mind
My Big Mama is singing
Amazing Grace will always be
My song of praise
I understand

If His eye is on the sparrow
He got to know me as well
I once was lost now I'm found
Was blind now I see

Now I'm lost again don't know
Where I'm supposed to be
I want this part of me to be that piece
I look back upon
Tell a crowd of youngsters at me feet
Hold on
When life appears
Most bleak
It will get better again
I remember when

THE NIKEL chapter 23

Obrey was ill in Amad's apartment in the bedroom trying to get some sleep. Jewel was in her room with the television turned up really loudly anD sang and danced. She chanted a little girl's jump rope song over and over. The room was a mess with Jewel's toys and clothes all over the place. She screamed as she race to thE living room to greet Amad.

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

"Hello, angel." He entered the room carrying Jewel. "Party over here, what's up over there!"

Amad noticed how sick Obrey was and put Jewel down. Jewel skipped out of the room with her doll.

"Ohhh, you still sick?"

"I've been calling you all day. Why didn't you call back?"

"My phone went out, my battery was low."

"Your batery is low and I'm stupid, Amad."

"What's up?"

"What do you think? I'm sick as a dog and Jewel is driving me crazy. I have a meeting tomorrow that I'm still not prepared for. I need to get some rest. Amad, I'm too sick to add pissed off with you to that. You're here now. Would you please just turn off the TV so I can sleep?"

Amad turned off the TV and Obrey started to fall asleep when he came back in the room.

"Whew! Jewel is in the bed, so she should be fine. What did you give her to eat to make her so hyper in the first place?" She lifted her head from the covers. "I have to leave for just a few to take care of some business with Malik, but I'll be back soon." He bent to kiss her. When his lips got to her head, she turned around to face him. She put her hands in his face and pushed him away.

"What do you mean you're leaving? Look at me! Look at this place! Jewel isn't even almost asleep and I haven't had any rest all day!"

"I have to take care of this. I won't be gone long I promise."

"Your promises don't mean anything to me. I don't know what all the secret meetings are between you two, but I now it's not right. What's going on? And I don't wanna hear again about what you can't tell me! It does concern me. If it doesn't now it will later."

Amad sighed hard.

"You know Amad, I'm getting real sick of you taking me for granted. Just go and be with your man!"

"Everything I do I do for you and Jewel! But you't stop complaining long enough to see that!"

"You're being very insensitive. I'm sick and you knew I was sick when you left. What is it that is so important that you have to leave right now?"

The front door slammed and Jewel yelled from her room screaming for juice.

The next day at Obrey's house, Willow was there as Obrey dressed and gathered materials in her portfolio and briefcase to go to her meeting. "No! You knew that you were sick when you let him leave! Stop blaming him for everything and start taking some responsibiity for you part in the drama. Did it ever occur to you to just say no, get your keys and go home?"

"Not today, Willow!"

"I'm not being your friend by letting you do this to yourself. Let's calm down for a minute and not let this get out of hand. Obrey, this is me, Willow, your best friend since forever. Give me some credit. You think I don't know you? Look, let me share something with you. You're not going to like it, but listen anyway. Every relationship is fifty fifty or it wouldn't exist. You are geting exactly what you are giving. And you're getting what you're getting because it's what you want."

"Willow Winfrey1 I can't take it, ok?"

"Just look at it. Amad is really possessive and needs to have everything his way and he gets that in this relationship. And for some reason, something inside of you wants to be the victim. So you get to say, 'look what he did to me. Look at everything I do. Look at all the sacrifices I make and look at what I get. Poor me."

Obrey was really angry with her. She stopped gathering materials and closed her briefcase loudly and told her to get out.

"I'll leave. But as your friend it's my job to let you know what's really going on."

"GET OUT RIGHT NOW, WILLOW!" She threw a spool of thread at her as she walked out.

"I'm trying not to take any of your drama personal, but you're pushing it." Willow walked out and Obrey sat alone at her design table upset. She pushed everything off of the table.

Obrey sat in a long comfortable cotton dress at her mother's grave. "I don't know Ma, everything is so confusing these days. I wish you were here to tell me what to do. Funny I should be saying that when I used to hate for you to tell me what to do. I thought I knew everything. Now I know that I don't know nothin'." Pause. "That I don't know anything." She ran her fingers across the headstone.

THE NIKEL chapter 22

There was a costume party at The Nikel and the club was even more crowded than usual. There were ghosts and goblins, pimps and prostitutes, men dressed as babies and women as men. Inside of The Say, Essence was a sexy Mrs. Claus and was on stage keeping the crowd rolling with laughter. People were having a good time on all floors of The Nikel.

On the third floor there was a large balcony that overlooked the city and Life stood outside when Hannibal walked up behind him. "Row row row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily merrily merrily merrily Life is but a dream."

Life reached to shake Hannibal's hand. "What's up, Ball?"

Hannibal smiled and made a large circle in the air with his cane very slowly. They stared off the balcony onto the city lights. "Life is exactly how you see it. You focus on the stress and pressures and that's what you pull to you."

"Well, I think I need to do some refocusing and work on my vision."

"Come ride with me, young blood." They walked down the stairs into the back parking lot where Hannibal's limo was parked. When they got to the car a tall bald Asian woman with an eye patch got out to open the door for them. "Young blood, this is Saba. Saba meet Life."

Saba turned around slowly and gave Life a hard, cold stare. She said a chant slowly in Chinese and locked the doors. He looked at the lock and was scared. He looked again at Saba as she turned back around and began to drive off. Hannibal looked at Life holding the door handle. "She likes you." Hannibal said.

The limo's back plates read 5 cents. Hannibal poured two glasses of champagne and gave life one and held the other for himself. Life began to drink as Hannibal spoke. "I came out here from Mississippi when I was nineteen years old. I've always been a smart man even though I couldn't read or write very well. I was staying with this woman, Gloria. Things went bad for us and I found myself without a place to stay so I was on the street for a while. One day I was begging for change in front of a burger stand and I walked up to a man and asked if he could spare a dime or a nickel. That was such a low period of my life. I never thought I would stoop to begging for money, but there I was. He reached in his pockets and handed me a nickel and just stared at me. I said 'thank you' but he just kept staring.

'Young blood, what you gon do with that nickel?' He asked me. 'You can't get a place to stay. You can't buy anything to eat. What are you going to do?' I just stood there ashamed of myself. Then he asked me something I'll never forget. He asked if I was ready to let it all go and live the life I came to live.'

"That's heavy."

"A lot heavier than the nickel I was asking for."

"What was his name?"

"Maub McClintox. He was into real estate and owned a bunch of property downtown. At that time not many black folks owned property in areas that he did and I didn't know any black folks that had the kind of money that he did. But it wasn't just the money. There was something special about him from the inside. He took me in. I did odd handymen jobs for him. I collected rent from some of his tenants. He also owned an art gallery. I spent a lot of time down there. After hours it was a hang out for the local artists, actors, dancers, poets and comedians. They were some of the most incredible folks I'd ever met. I was amazed at their determination to their crafts, and none of them were really makiing much mney. But I always felt that they could have if they had enough of the right oportunities."

"Wow! What happened to him?"

"I came home from the gallery one night and he was sitting in his chair in the living room. Almost as if he was waiting for me. He had such a peaceful expression on his face. He called me over to him and handed me a nickel. This one." Hannibal pulled out a nickel on his chain around his neck in his shirt and showed it to Life. "He told me to pass it on. And then he closed his eyes and left. He was like an angel sent by God to guide me."

Saba pulled the limo in the driveway of hannibal's house. She got out and opened the door for Hannibal. Life moved over to get out on the same side but when he got out she placed a long sword across his chest and put her face very close to his and repeated the same Chinese chant. He pushed passed her. "Crazy voo doo chick!" He noticed that Hannibal was already in the house and ran after him. When he got in he noticed that there were many beautiful women in the house. He followed Hannibal up the stairs to a room.

Hannibal pulled open the door and a very beutiful black womman in her late 50's was there. She looked like a dancer. She had long gray locks and sat on the floor on the window dressed in a flowing cotton white dress. She smiled when she saw Hannibal.

"Beloved." She said peacefully.

"Beloved." Hannibal responded in the same tone. Hannibal helped her stand and he bent to his knees and kissed her forehead and stepped into the bathroom adjacent to the room. He qucikly returned with a large bolwl of water and placed it on the floor. As she sat he stared at Hannibal as he washed and kissed her feet. Life had never seen him like that.

"Please meet Life." Hannibal said.

Olivia stareda t Life for a long moment silently with a speaceful expression on her face. She took her hand and closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. After she exhaled, she looked at his palm. "Life." Olivia said.

"Young blood, this is my wife."

"Pleased to met you, ma'am."

"And pleased to meet you, Life." Olivia folded her rug that she sat on and left the room. Hannibal lovingly watched her as she closed teh door behind her.

"You two must share something really special."

Hannibal smiled.

"How long have you known each other?"

"We've always known each other." Hannibal said.

"Ok?"

Hannibal sat behiind his desk and pulled a cigar from teh box and put it in his mouth. Life pulled a lighter from his pocket and attempted to light the cigar. hannibal hild his hand up and refused the light. "Sit down." He sat on the chair in front of the desk. "What's going on, young blood?"

"Just trying to make some sense of my life right now."

"What's so confusing about it?"

"I'm in a space where I feel like everything I thought I knew., I'm finding out that I don't. The things and people I thought would make me happy...aren't. I'm questioning my motives and the motives of the people just yesteray I would have shared everything with. I'm unsure about where my career is headed or if it will even exist for me in a year or two. There is a void in my life and I keep trying to fill it with who and what I have. Of course the more I try, the stronger the pain gets. It's like I'm missing the most essential vitamin from my diet and I'm sick because of it. I would take it, only I don't know what it is or where to get it. But if I don't take it soon, I know I'm not going to survive."

Hannibal looked at him for a moment and then spoke. "A young man was walking along a path and approached an older man. The youngster asked for food. The older man led him to the river and instructed him to follow him into the water. He put the youngsters head under the water and held it there. Of course he began to struggle for air. He fought and fought until he could free himself from bondage. See?"

"See what?" Life asked.

"The youngster freed himself from bondage and was able to breathe. But he freed himself because he wanted to live. That's how much you have to want to live. To be freed from what is holding you back you have to want it sas if your life depended on it. Because it does. See?"

Life sat in the chair and stared off into space. Olivia tapped on the door then entered whith a platter of fruit and tea. She served them tea and Hannibal invited her to sit with them. She sat next to Hannibal and they looked lovingly at him as he stared out of the window.

THE NIKEL chapter 21

"So how's your mom?" Obrey asked Life as they sat at the small table in the diner.

"She's fine. She and my sister are moving in with my brother and his wife. Dad's gonna be in the hospital for a little while longer, but he's doing ok." They followed a waitress to their seat.

"And your niece?"

"Much better. She's home and already runnin' things."

"Kids. How old is she again?"

"Just turned six."

"That is such a precious stage."

He reached across the table to hold her hand. When he told her he missed her she nervously pulled her hand away and picked up the menu. "I thought about you so much it's crazy."

"Yeah, that is crazy." She responded. "Listen, something happened while you were gone. I was in Amad's office checking my messages and he was standing behind me while I was reading the message you sent me."

"And what happened?"

"He asked me how close we were and I told him that we talked at that party I went to with Willow. I told him that we talk from time to time as friends and basically that's it."

"So you lied."

"What are you talking about?"

"Obrey, stop playing dumb. You know what I'm talking about!" The couple next to them turned around because of his sudden outburst. Obrey looked around as the waitress brought their drinks.

"Thank you. Would you please give us a few minutes?" Obrey asked and turned to Life. "Keep your voice down!"

Life slapped the water away and knocked the glasses over onto the floor and got up and walked out of the restaurant. She looked around and went after Life. He stood outside of the door waiting for her. "Look, I'm sorry if I scared you, but I don't apologize for what I said. I know what it's like to pretend to be something for so long that when you're ready to tell yourself the truth, you can't because you've lived a lie for so long you don't really know what the truth is anymore. I know what it's like to be someone you're not because you think that's who everyone expects you to be...beccause you think that's who they like better. Don't live a lie, Obrey. Your greatest power is being who you are. Forget what everybody says is right adn wrong. Be you, baby."

That night Obrey busily worked at her design table while she listened to music and had a cup of tea next to her. She was really tired and began to fall asleep when she heard the doorbell. She picked up the telephone next to her. She heard the doorbell again and realized it wasn't the phone. "Go away." She softly said.

It was Afua at the door. "Hey queen! You in there sis?"

Obrey walked to the door slowly and again in a soft, sleepy voice, "I'm coming. I'm coming." She opened and saw Afua dressed in her African attire. Afua spoke loudly and smiled. She walked straight passed Obrey as Obrey rubbed her eyes. "What time is it?"

"Girl, it's 4:30 in the afternoon. What are you doin' sleeping?" Afua looked at the paintings on the walls. Obrey sat down on the couch and turned the television on and flipped through the channels. Afua stood in front of one of the paintings.

"Davis do this?"

Obrey was still flipping through the channels. "Ummmm hummmm."

"That sista aint no joke. This wasn't at the show was it?"

"What's going on, Afua?"

"Queen, we need to talk." Afua turned to Obrey and walked toward her. Obrey looked up at the ceiling. "I aint trying to get all up in your business or nothin' like that, but when I see you going down the wrong path, I just gotta step in and say something."

"What is this about?"

"I think you're kinda weak right now and it's very common. I know something is going on between you and that fellow I saw you with at the the exhibit. He was holding your hand and all in your face. And then I saw him try to kiss you! And you were going to let him! Queen, that was not cool for you to be cheating on your man like that."

"Cheating on my man? All you saw was him try to kiss me. And you know what? I did kiss him?" Obrey thought about that kiss and remembered that Jewel saw her kiss Life. Jewel asked her about it and Obrey said that it was a friendly kiss. Like the way you kiss at church. Obrey knew that Jewel knew better. She also know that if she said anything to Jewel about keeping it a secret it would only make matters worse.

"Well what constitutes cheating these days? I know you aren't saying that you only draw the line at intercourse? What if Amad did that to you?"

"I didn't do anything to Amad."

"Well, what exactly is your relationship with this brotha?"

"I'm trying to respect our friendship, but you're going way overr the line with this."

"What? Why are you getting all bent outta shape about me just trying to talk to you? I'jm just trying to help you stay on the right path. I've known you since you were a little girl. I've noticed a few things over the past few years that I have concerns about. Things that I know your mother would have concerns about."

"Are you serious?"

"I'm very serious."

"What is it? What do you have so many concerns about? Let's get this out of the way so that we can move on." Obrey abruptly turned the television off and turned to Afur who sat across from her. Obrey knew that sooner or later this day would come with Afua.

"Your lifestyle for one. I was really glad when you told me that you and Amad were engaged because it was just bothering me so much seeing the two of you live in sin and be such a bad influence on that baby."

"Well we're getting married now, is there anything else?"

"Since you asked, do you intend to stop working or change your profession when you get married?"

"Of course not. I must be in some pre wedding twilight zone or something. I've spent years getting where I am in my field. Why would I stop just because I'm married?"

"But look at the long hours you both work. Who is going to be home to raise Jewel?"

"You know, I've held my tongue over the past few years also. I have watched you judge everyone from the drug dealer to the pope. You are so hard on everyone. It's difficult for anyone to be around you. Me included. What makes all of your judging so bad is that your own sins somehow escape your judgment. You are so worried about how we're going to raise her? Where is your child queen, huh?"

"Don't! Don't!" Afua warned.

"She's not here because you had an abortion, because the child's father left you." The child's father whom you were not even married to. And what are we doing for employment? What are you doing for employment to pay me back the two grand you borrowed from me eleven months ago? I don't believe you, coming over here with this." Obrey knew that she was pushing it but Afua had it coming. She would keep reminding herself that she had it coming. Besides, it all fell out so fast she could hardly hold it anymore.

Afua cried then stood up, walked over to Obrey and slapped her on the face. "You need to watch your mouth!"

"And you need to stop parading around town with all that love, peace and sage geat on like you're all earthy and righteous and beyond mistakes, Carolyn!"

"Obrey.."

"I'm really upset and I don't feel well right now and I just want you to please leave me alone."

"Not like this..."

"Just like this. Please go. Please, I'm trying to be respectful to you out of your friendship with my mother, but I refuse to do this with you anymore. Go, Afua!"

Afua turned toward the door and Obrey turned toward the den in the opposite direction.

THE NIKEL chapter 20

Obrey was checking her email at Amad's dest and didn't know that he was standing behind her. He watched her read the message. Watched her smile halfway and he wished the smile was for him. He used to make her happy. She used to smile for him. Not these days though. These days he got messages suggesting that they talk. "So how much of a friend have you been to Life?"

"What are you doing sneaking up behind me?"

"This is my office."

"It's not like that. I was talking to him at this little party I went to with Willow. He was telling me about some problems he was having with his manager and the record label and stuff like that."

"How come you never mentioned it?"

"What was there really to mention?"

"I don't know Obrey. I don't know what's going on at all with you. This isn't even about your 'friendship' with Life. This is about us. What's up? I thought you wanted your space so I've been giving it to you. Then you leave me a message saying that you love me, but we need to talk. But we never do. I'm tired of waiting for you to open up to me. Obrey, I don't want to hold you back. If you need to move on, then yeah it would be difficult for me, but I could release you if you asked me to. But you gotta ask, baby, 'cause I'm not gon just let you go. But let me know something. Don't just leave me in the dark like this."

"Oh, like you're leaving me in the dark about whatever you got going on with Malik?"

"Listen, yeah, Malik and I are trying to work out a business venture. I know you don't like Malik but you don't have to like him. I'm doing this for us, baby. No, I haven't told you everything but I need more time. But whatever is going on with Malik and me has nothing to do with us. It's not some other woman. It's not that I don't love you. I'm not ready to tell you everything yet. I need some time. I know that's hard to hear but it's the truth. It's as much of the truth as I can give you right now." Amad sat in the chair across from her and moved in to her and held her face in his hands. He kissed her face. "I'm sorry, honey. I do love you though. I love you so much." Obrey cried and got up and hugged him. He unlocked her arms from around his nect and she sat back on the chair and cried harder. Harder than he had ever seen her cry. "What's all this about?" He asked.

She grabbed her bag and ran out of the shop. A few minutes later Danielle came into the office. "What's wrong with Obrey?" She asked. "She ran right past me like she didn't even see me."

"Danielle, I have something I need to take care of. Can you take the deposit to the bank today?"

"Yeah, I can do it. Amad, I asked you a question."

"Obrey's fine. Just crazy is all."

"Crazy make you throw up like that?"

"What?"

"I was dumping the trash in the back and she ran right past me and threw up all over the bags out there. I asked her if I could help and she just sped away from me."

"Aw, man."

THE NIKEL chapter 19

Saundra got into the car with River, crying but not too obviously. "That was fast." River said.

"It didn't seem fast to me."

"You wanna go home?"

"No." They drove around for almost an hour without saying anything and finally Saundra asked River to take her home.

That night she was in the kitchen making a salad and Life came downstairs dressed to leave.

"Baby, I'm going down to the club."

"Oh, ok. Just let me finish up here and I'll be right there." She wanted to tell him what she had been through that day. Couldn't he tell? Weren't they connected enough for him to just be able to look at her and tell that that was one of the scariest days of her entrie life and here he was talking about going down to The Nikel instead of holding her. She wanted him to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. She wanted him to tell her that he had just been stressed the past few weeks and the she had nothing to worry about. She wanted him to tell her to stop being silly and kiss and hold him. But lately it seemed he hadn't even wanted her to touch him.

"I didn't say I wanted us to go. I said I was going. Can't I have my own space sometime?"

"Life, if you don't want me to go with you, I won't go. Where is all this hostility coming from? I don't know what's been going on with you the past few weeks, but if you want to leave, then leave. You don't have to start a fight with me to get out of the house alone."

"What kind of shit is that to say to me? I aint playin' no games to get out of my own house!"

"Who are you screaming at?!"

"I don't need this!" Life walked out of the house and slammed the door as she threw the salad she was making into the sink. He got in his care and closed the door. He started the engine then turned it off and started to go back inside, then changed his mind.

Hold on

I never noticed before how many people
Walk the streets alone at night
How scary they all look
Like this brotha here
Yellin' cursin'kicki n' himself
Is that blood

Where are they going
Her with no clothes sweatin' so hard
Sista marchin' the midnight knife in her hand
No on ever said life was all bliss
What could have led her to this
Why won't they just go home
I can rest in peace

I met a thirteen year old girl on the street
Renting her body so she could eat
A part of me is ashamed to say
If I were only half the woman as she
I might do the same

Did you know that Denny's stays open
24 hours to everyone
Except those who have been evicted
Have no where to sleep
Can't even affort to buy tea

I never noticed before how long and dark
The night is
Can't even see the steering wheel
Front of my face
Someone tried to break into my ride
Now my back door will not lock

What did he want
Toothbrush I keep in the glove compartment
Blankets in the backseat
Dirty clothes in my trunk

I'll never know
I'll only close one eye
Sleep with my key under my thigh
No one will be tempted to
Drive off with my stuff

Did you know that Kinko's stays open
24 hours to everyone
Except to those who have no flyers to make
They have nothing to say
No where to lay
I think about the very low parts of the lives of
People with fame and wonder
One day when everyone knows my name
If I'll be courageous enough to
Tell them all of this

The world should never know
There have been times
I couldn't afford to eat
Had no where to sleep
My insides are so congested I keep
Attracting the madness that I am in
Had even justified sucide
The world will never know that I skated so thin

A dear friend of mine told me years ago when
My head was too hard to hear
When times appear the worst of all
To be of good cheer because
The lesson is near
But where
Come lesson let me learn you quick
So that I can move on from this mess

I never noticed before how many restrictions
There are to park on so many streets
I'll have to find somewhere soon
If I stop to get gas
I'll have nothing to eat
And where is the moon

Why do they call this a thrift store
When a demin jacket costs 24
Dollars are so few
This night is so cold
My sanity won't last long

These tears will only give me a headache
Put me to sleep
In my dreams I'll remember when
I was beautiful

I could stand tall and hold my head real high
But then that dream will turn to nightmare
Because I won't remember
When where why it all went wrong

Is this all a part of some great plan
I guess even Jesus cried too
How to I get back on my feet
When I pray does God hear me

I park the car
Reflect upon
Pieces of my life this puzzle
Somehow I will jigsaw my way through this maze
Now in the back of my mind
My Big Mama is singing
Amazing Grace will always be
My song of praise
I understand

If His eye is on the sparrow
He got to know me as well
I once was lost now I'm found
Was blind now I see

Now I'm lost again don't know
Where I'm supposed to be
I want this part of me to be that piece
I look back upon
Tell a crowd of youngsters at me feet
Hold on
When life appears
Most bleak
It will get better again
I remember when

THE NIKEL chapter 18

Life was at the studio about to shoot a beer commercial. The production assistant had just given him the five minute signal and the make up artist was finished with his makeup. (What am I doing? Everything I promised myself I wouldn't.) He got off the chair and hopped onto the computer, sat at the table across from the food trays and composed a message for Obrey.

"Madam Obrey, I have really been dealing with a lot of frustrating issues lately and I just wanted to say that communicating with you has really helped me see the things more clearly. Thanks for being a friend .

911

This poem is not about revolution
Or Malcolm or Tupac or H Rap Brown or revenge
Or an attack on America or even her own injustice
Not even about Assata

But about a mother who rides the blue line at 6
Gets off every morning at the Imperial station
Is a nurse who loves her son even still
Held him in a light only she and God
Could seem to see

He was 16 and licorice black with a
Handsome smile and perfect teeth
Just like his daddy

And was shot and killed by another man and
Woman's boy
That heavy on her neck somehow not being enough
Today she goes about her days remembering
On the eve of her only child's services
While his body wait alone and cold
Beyond a comforters cure
His murderer
Captured only by karma
Maybe
Emptied his body
Spray painted his casket in red letters
Old English font now tattooed on the
Chest of her memory
Swollen and flexed until her forever ends and why

This poem is about the courage it takes to
Somehow remember
He always kissed her goodnight
Ate greens with ketchup
Loved fish with his grits

This is not about Rodney King or Daryl Gates
Natasha Harlins or Stacey Koon
Not even about Soon Ja Du
This poem has nothing to do with Watts 1965
Not really

But kinda

In a way it is about a brave little girl out in
Montebello who was beautiful and 4
Who sat in her room and counted
Dos, tres, quarto, cinco
Loudly under all her pillows

While her father repeatedly stabbed her mother
And then left
And she
Somehow tearlessly embraced her mother's
Bleeding dying body
Patted her hand, rocked said

James te pueden hacer dano
Dios te va hacer bonita

(No one will hurt you
God will make you pretty)

There are many stories
If by chance they should all be told one day
There will be many more even after that
This isn't about La Revolution Mexicana
I already told you that

Only the revolution that occurs in the souls of us
Who still love the spirits
Of those of whom we cannot see


We see these heroes on the bus
On the train
In the next cubicle
At the light
Honoring the memory of those faces that
May never flash across the evening news

And those faces that do

I pray that when I have passed away
I will have created grand memories enough
To sustain my loved ones well

I pray that in the break of morning clear
They will breathe without having to be reminded
Accepting finally

That there is an inevitable death that
Comes with living
Though religions and philosophies do best they can at explanation
They will not ever have power enough to prevent
Having lived life time over and again
I have found laughter to be truest friend
For therein lies
At evil's demise
God within us all

This poem
If indeed it is a poem at all
Is about
Dancing on hurt feet

I am

I will be for love today
Not against a blessed thing
Living just one life
Through many incarnations
Sanctified souls who hold my head
Will not ever allow my to forget
The lessons of my past
When I don't remember
And am pulled into the drama of my bygone
The great grandmother of my angel
A crackled blackblue spirit
Gently sticks me with her crown
And I scream ouch
Don't poke me like that

I will lay my blues to rest today
Swear never pick them up again
Except to remind tomorrow
The hours that I fell
How I got this scar
Why some
Say all the right words
Graduate from all the right schools
But only get so far

From today
Not the contents of my wallet or weight
Not my relationship status or work
My circumstances shall not decide my worth
I am flawless
Gaining understanding new on my
Journey at every turn

I began in the mind of God
Who is Himself beginingless
I too am without a start

Angels up in heaven
Stars in the sky know it's true
If you don't too
Then you are in the few
I am all right with me
With freckles, thick thighs, bald head and big feet
And the grown woman way my breasts hang
And booty pokes a little

I am wonderful
More than woman
More than nappy and painter
Than black and mother
I am more than water and daughter
Not just chest and blood and bones and flesh
I am that I am
As all of you are me too
And I am you

So what is it to be Christian or Catholic
Or Jewish or Muslim
Science of Mind or Bahai

It doesn't even matter that some do not recognize
The awesome outstanding of the Most High
My religion is Truth
Don't ask me what I am
It should only be important to you
That I exist at all

So I ask
If all the things around you
Should quickly fade away
Who would you believe in
What would you stand for

As for me
I am the house of the Most High
Forever will be my own best friend
They are not relevant to my right now
Will not take up matter in my head
I will wake each morning with my mind
Stayed on God instead

They are cowards
Always nameless
Always faceless
I am immortal
Unafraid of my humanity
Being made more perfect every day
Through my imperfectioons

I am the funny of my father
The hustle of my mother
Humble of my sister
Intuition of my son

I am the shake in the belly laugh of my grandmother
A round brown skinned woman
Who magiced jelly from her apple tree
Fed her family
Absent the easy of McDonalds
Lived through happy and heartbreak
Medicated herself with the balm of
Song and scripture and
Gossip and candy
Now sits by my side every night as I sleep

I am the salt rock in ice cream every
Sunday afternoon
Sunny day or no
I am always
I am consistently enough
And more

THE NIKEL chapter 17

Life and Saundra laid in the bed together and stared at the ceiling. Sade sang and sage burned and Saundra tried to find a way to tell him. She walked to the ledge and swore she would jump in. (Just say it. Just say it.) One foot in front of the other, then nothing.

"I love you, baby." (And I'm pregnant and of course you're the father and don't think I'm trying to pressure you into marrying me or anything like that I just thoguht I should tell you and I wasn't even going to do that so you better be glad and I'm gonna quit my job and open up my restaurant that I've been dreaming about since forever ago. Yes, Life, I have dreams too. My whole life isn't just me supporting you and your career. Is that what you thought? Well, you're wrong, buddy and don't think for one minute you're just gonna leave me and not support your baby. You hear me? Do you?)

"I love you too."

"I don't know what's going on, Life but I know that something is. We gotta get this settled before we go on this cruise. I'm not going to be in a cabin with you for eight days pretending that everything is cool while we're out and then we're staring at the ceiling at night." (Please, please say something stupid so that I can get mad and say I'm not going on the cruise. How am I going to hide this from you all that time being so close to you? Or just come out and say whatever it is you're hiding from me and I can tell you what's going on. I just don't wanna look like a fool here.)

"Goodnight, Saundra."

Saundra knew she was being a hypocrite. She was five weeks pregnant and was seriously considering having an abortion and she gave him the come clean speech.

Four days after she found out she was pregnant, River and Saundra were parked in the parking lot of the abortion clinic. River was about to get out of the car. "I wanna do this alone."

"Saundra, you don't know what you're saying."

"Yes I do. I'll call you when it's over."

"Are you sure?"

Saundra walked into the clinic by herself. Not at all what she excpected. It looked lke a regular hospital waiting room. Some of the women looked...like her. She expected the welfare scenes she saw in bad movies. This isn't going to be so bad. She tried to convince herself. She couldn't help but think about Life and that he should at least know. It's bad enough having an abortion but to do it behind the father's back takes it to another level.

(No, I'm not telling him. I'm going to go ahead with this and if we work things out we can get married and have a baby in the future.)

"Good morning." She said to the young woman who sat next to her. She looked about twenty-five. She had on a black jogging suit and her hair pulled back in a short ponytail. Saundra wondered what her story was. Did the father of her child at least know? Was he waiting in the car for her? Was he at work sitting on pins and needles waiting for her to call? She wanted to ask her if he knew. Of course he knew. She was the only crazy person who would do something like this and not tell the father. Just her. (Why? Why am I doing it? Life isn't a bad guy. He loves me. Why not at least tell him?)

Just then Kenard popped into her head. Kennard Stanton. She hadn't thought about him in years. He was her high school sweetheart and she loved him. Kenard was the captain of the football team when they were seniors. She remembered how his teemmates teased Kenard and told him that she was going to trap him and have a baby before he went pro. She didn't pay them that much attention. Then she went with him to his family reunion and his mom, aunts and cousins were so nice to her. Then Kenard went to play basketball with his cousins and his girl cousin kept giving her a mean look and said that she could tell that Saundra was one of those light skinned bitches who just wanted her cousin for what she could get. And that she wanted him because he was about to be a football star and that she would kick her ass if she even thought about getting pregnant to trap him. Trap him? She had never though about it. Is that what people thought of her? That she wasn't good enough to make it in life without a man to take care of her? That she needed to trap somebody? She was so determined to show them and the rest of the world that she didn't need anybody. She broke up with Kenard the next week. She told him that they had gotten too serious and that she needed to focus on her studies because she was going to be somebody. That broke his heart. Hers too. All because she listened to what other people said about her and here she was doing it again.

She was so nervous she hoped she wouldn't start talking so much she couldnn't stop.

"Good morning to you too." The woman responded as if they were in a coffee shop and needed to share a table with her.

"Kinda scary, huh?" Saundra asked.

"I guess. You'll be ok. You picked a good day."

"What?"

"I mean it's not so crowded. Usually that whole side over there is filled up by now."

"Oh." Maybe this was as bad as she thought.

THE NIKEL chapter 16

Amad sat at the kitchen table in his apartment as he thought and drank a beer. The lights were very dim as he replayed a phone message from Obrey.

"Amad, I miss you. I miss us. I love you, but not like this. I feel so far from you. It's not just you. This hot and cold then hot then cold again we keep doing is making me dizzy. We need to talk. I can't stand it. One minute it's so good and then the very next, I don't know. Anyway, Jewel is with Davis at a baby shower. They may be out late so I'll bring her up in the morning if you want me to. Or she can just stay. Amad, I do love you, ok. Just, something is wrong and I'm kinda scared. Love you, call me.

He threw the phone and watched it hit the wall. Watched the battery separate itself from the receiver, ricotche off the wall and find rest somewhere under the couch. Amad was in no hurry to mend teh phone. No hurry to call Obrey. He sat there at his table and drand his beer and remembered that his father used to tell him to control what he could control. He was tired of her mood swings. Tired of trying to make it work. Tired of dodging her questions about him and Malik. What difference did it make anyway? She would benefit. He wasn't cheating. Wasn't abusing her. He was more than just not abusing her. He loved her.

(I'm good to her. Fucking good to her. I give her everything I have. If she wants more, if she aint satisfied then she can go get what she wants from someplace else. Fuck it. I can't do this shit no more.)

911

This poem is not about revolution
Or Malcolm or Tupac or H Rap Brown or revenge
Or an attack on America or even her own injustice
Not even about Assata

But about a mother who rides the blue line at 6
Gets off every morning at the Imperial station
Is a nurse who loves her son even still
Held him in a light only she and God
Could seem to see

He was 16 and licorice black with a
Handsome smile and perfect teeth
Just like his daddy

And was shot and killed by another man and
Woman's boy
That heavy on her neck somehow not being enough
Today she goes about her days remembering
On the eve of her only child's services
While his body wait alone and cold
Beyond a comforters cure
His murderer
Captured only by karma
Maybe
Emptied his body
Spray painted his casket in red letters
Old English font now tattooed on the
Chest of her memory
Swollen and flexed until her forever ends and why

This poem is about the courage it takes to
Somehow remember
He always kissed her goodnight
Ate greens with ketchup
Loved fish with his grits

This is not about Rodney King or Daryl Gates
Natasha Harlins or Stacey Koon
Not even about Soon Ja Du
This poem has nothing to do with Watts 1965
Not really

But kinda

In a way it is about a brave little girl out in
Montebello who was beautiful and 4
Who sat in her room and counted
Dos, tres, quarto, cinco
Loudly under all her pillows

While her father repeatedly stabbed her mother
And then left
And she
Somehow tearlessly embraced her mother's
Bleeding dying body
Patted her hand, rocked said

James te pueden hacer dano
Dios te va hacer bonita

(No one will hurt you
God will make you pretty)

There are many stories
If by chance they should all be told one day
There will be many more even after that
This isn't about La Revolution Mexicana
I already told you that

Only the revolution that occurs in the souls of us
Who still love the spirits
Of those of whom we cannot see


We see these heroes on the bus
On the train
In the next cubicle
At the light
Honoring the memory of those faces that
May never flash across the evening news

And those faces that do

I pray that when I have passed away
I will have created grand memories enough
To sustain my loved ones well

I pray that in the break of morning clear
They will breathe without having to be reminded
Accepting finally

That there is an inevitable death that
Comes with living
Though religions and philosophies do best they can at explanation
They will not ever have power enough to prevent
Having lived life time over and again
I have found laughter to be truest friend
For therein lies
At evil's demise
God within us all

This poem
If indeed it is a poem at all
Is about
Dancing on hurt feet

THE NIKEL chapter 15

Saundra knew it. She knew something was off but didn't think she was pregnant. They had always been careful. How was she going to tell Life? Was she going to tell him was the real question. She could just hear his boys laughing about how she trapped him. She knew what they thought of her. Bigger than his boy's opinion of her was how she was going to survive eight days at sea when she was already queasy on land? She finally started seriously looking for a space to open the restaurant. She finally got serious about cleaning up her department so that she wouldn't feel so bad when she left. And now she was pregnant. How could she just leave? Start a new business? Saundra incessantly talked to herself the whole day. She asked all sorts of questions. Where would she get insurance? "From the baby's father, stupid." She finally said out loud. "From Life. I'm not the only one having a baby here." But she was for now because she wasn't ready to say anything. Especially with how strange he had been acting. Did he know?

She got in her car and called River. "Hey lady you busy? I'm not far from you, wanna meet me at Simply Wholesome? Veggie burger my treat? K, see you in a minute, I'm just a block away." She knew River would know something was up but she thought River would think that Saundra was just announcing her engagement and to tell her that she was the maid of honor. What would they do? Would she and Life get married? No, no, no. Wedding? That seemed so far away from reality with the way they had been getting along lately. Life must have thought she was a fool or something. She didn't know if it was another woman or what, but they had to get to the bottom of it before the cruise. She was not giving up her little secret until she knew what he was hiding.

THE NIKEL chapter 14

A few days after the art exhibit Obrey was driving home to meet a client for a fitting. The traffic on the 110 was tight and she didn't want to have her client waiting outside the house so she called Davis. "Hey girl, I'm glad you answered the phone...Yeah, I'm ok. A client of mine and her husband are meeting me at the house for a fitting. I may be a few minutes late. Did you get Jewel already? Ok, thanks. Who? What's he doing there? Yeah let me speak to him. Hey honey, what's up?"

Obrey didn't remember setting a lunch date with Amad and wondered if he made that up. He had accused her a few times in the past week about being distant. He didn't push it because her distance was somewhat of a relief because she wasn't standing over him asking about every move he made and frowning every time he was on the phone with Malik. Still, to Amad, his distance was ok but hers was suspicious.

"I'm really sorry, honey. I just got tied up. I know I should have called. I'll cook dinner for you tonight when my client leaves. Can you stay? Well come over as soon as you're done with recquetball. I owe you baby." She was glad the vibe was good between them for the meomemnt. "I love you too."

Dob and Amad were playing racquetball when he asked, "What's up with your game today?"

"Stuff on my mind." Amad responded.

"Well, that's what the game is supposed to do man, clear your head." Dob said as he continued playing and beating Amad. "Here you go!"

Amad hit the rubber ball hard and it bounced and whizzed past Dob's head. "Take that! Don't worry about what's up with my game. Check yoself." Dob could tell that Amad was only particaly joking. They played the rest of the game hard and in silence except for the grunts that followed each swing.

As they got into Amad's car, Dob was on the phone. "Yeah, it sounds great. Will you repeat the adress please? Ok thank you. You have a good day." Dob ended the call and put his phone in his bag. "You have a pen in here?" He immediately opened the glove compartment without waiting for an answer. As he opened it, a stack of envelopes almost fell out. Amad caught the stack and quickly closed the compartment. Dob stared at his friend wit a strange look.

"I don't have a pen, man!" Amad yelled.

"Hey, what's up with you?"

"Aw man, you know. Like I said, you know, just...stuff on my mind. I'm cool."

There was a moment of silence. "So, how's the Mrs.?" Asked Dob.

"She's alright. Aint got much time for a brotha these days. She's designing Ausette Rochelle's dress for the Image Awards the everybody else's it seems. "

"Whaaaaat?! Tell her I said congratulations! So I guess i don't need to ask if you're ready for the big date."

"Yeah, but I'm not the one you need to ask."

"Obrey getting cold feet?"

"I don't know what she's getting. It's seems like every time we're together her head is some place else. And the wedding is the worst topic of all to bring up. I thought by now she'd be so excited I wouldn't be ale to shut her up about flowers, invitations, food and all that. I know the designs of her next six clients but she hasn't even said what colors she wants to wear."

"So, where are you with it? Are you sure?"

"I love her man. I guess I shouldn't be so hard on her because I haven't been Mr. Prince Charming myself lately."

"What's up with that? Flowers and food aint what's on your mind."

"Not at all."

"Then what?"

"I've been working on a business venture that should make our financial life pretty comfortable. I haven't really been as emotionally there for her as she's used to, but I just need her to be patient. Everything I do, I'm doing for her and Jewel. I'm tring to show her that I love her by puttin' myself in a position where she can be comforatable."

"This 'business venture,' is is something you're keeping a secret from her?"

Amad tried to brush him off. "Umm, not really secret. Just, you know, we're...I'm working stuff out and the details don't concern her right now."

"Are you listening to yourself right now? You've only said a few sentences to me and I can tell something shady is going on. You think she can't pick up on that too? Let me ask you, does this have anything to do with Malik?"

"I mean, we're working on a little something. Why you all in my shit, man? You worse than Obrey right now."

"I aint tryin' to get in yo shit. I'm just a friend on the outside looking in and I could tell when I saw you at the gallery something was up. You know, everytime I have ever seen Malik he has that look. That shady look, like the one you have right now."

"Man you trippin', what shady look?"

"That look that has always let me know that something is just not right with thata brotha. I can feel it and I'm sure Obrey can feel it too. Look man, that's your woman. Do you really love her or what?"

"Of course I do. I never felt like this about any other woman. She's good to me and great with Jewel. After Jewel's mom passed, I didn't know what I was going to do. It took some time but I finally got into the rhythm of Jewel and me. I had convinced myself that it would be that way forever. Then I met Obrey. She took one look at Jewel and fell in love. I think she felt sorry for her and related to her because her owm mom had passed."

"You talk a lot about how you appreciate Obrey in Jewel's life, but that doesn't say what she is to you. Would you feel the same about her if Jewel weren't in the picture?"

"What are you saying? That I'm using Obrey because I need someone for Jewel?"

"I'm saying that if you don't communicate with Obrey, and if you are distant with her because of some new business venture you have going on with Malik, then she might feel that way."

Amad dropped Dob off at home and headed for Obrey's. Even though she missed lunch he felt good about the vibe between thenm earlier. Maybe tonight would be one of those long overdue easy going nights. He called to check things out. "Hey you, I'll be there shortly. You finished with your meeting?"

When he arrived, the door was open and he walked in. There was a couple there that was about to get married. She held the dress as they stood in the den and talked.

"Amad, come in and let me introduce you." Amad walked into the room with Obrey. "This is Amad Jenkins. Amad, this is soon to be Mr. and Mrs. Allan Hicks."

"Pleased to meet you both." Amad shook their hands. They all talked just a bit longer and then Amad and Obrey walked them out to their car and watched them drive off.

"I didn't expect the meeting to go so late. I'll get started on dinner right now. It won't take long."

"Tell you what, lemme go check on Jewel and I'll come down and make dinner myself for everyone. Davis stayin' in?"

"I don't think so, she said she was meeting Dob later."

"He didn't even say anything about it to me. We were just playing ball together."

"Was he supposed to say something to you? Besides, you know man on a mission Dob. I'm surprised Davis is letting things go so fast. When they were together before all she talked about was tthat he was always too busy for her and didn't pay her any attention."

"I think he was just focused on trying to get the school up and running. Maybe he regrets letting her get away before and doesn't want that to happen again. Anyway, why are we still talking about them as hungry as I am? Tell Jewel I'll be up in a minute. Imma get dinner started first."

"Baby, are you sure? I don't mind." Obrey wondered where the offer was coming from but she had to admit it was a welcome change from all the fighting.

"I got it. But before I do, come here. I wanna tell you something." He took her hand and led her into the den. He sat on the lazyboy and sat her on his lap.

"What are you doing? Who are you?" She sat on his lap and he put his left finger up to his mouth and motioned with his right hand for her to just be still. He got up from the chair and left the room quickly and ran upstairs to check on Jewel in her room. She had finished her homework and had fallen asleep watching The Cosby Show on the TVland channel.

When he came out of Jewel's room, Obrey was standing in the hallway in front of her room and motioned for him to come in. He took her and led her to the front of the dresser in front of the mirror. He took the white cotton scarf off her head and watched her long locks fall below her waist. He stood behind her and untied her shirt at the back, squeezed her breasts and pulled the tie behind her neck loose with his teeth. Obrey started to say something but he turned her around to kiss her before she could. He was not going to let the moment be spoiled with something she might say.

"I was only going to say that I miss you." She said.

He turned her back around gently and put his face next to hers and amdired how well they looked in the mirror. "We're beautiful." She responded with a moan, feeling him get harder behind her thighs. He gripped her waist tighter and pulled her to him. Her eyes went somewhere in the back of her head while she reached inside of her skirt, rubbed her thighs then gently spread her legs with his fists.

1st All African American Female Flight Crew

THE NIKEL chapter 13

Davis' art exhibit was at a gallery downtown called Soul Folks and the place was packed. V Kali's locks hung down past her knees and almost hid her face as she adjusted the microphone to begin her poetry set. As she performed people sat and stood quietly around and listened. Life awas observing the art on the walls when Obrey spotted him and handed him a glass of wine. "You following me?"

Life shook his head and answered. "But only because I don't think I could keep up. Besides, I thought I was invited."

"Well, I told you when and where and what time and said that if you weren't doing anything, then maybe stop by or something like that, but ..." She shrugged her shoulders and smiled. "If you take that as an invitation then...Well...Whatever. You're here now."

"Shut up. You want me here." Life smiled and looked good in his black cotton suit without his usual loud jewelry. As they laughed and talked Afua was in the background and saw Life take Obrey's hand. Obrey knew she was going to hear about that later from Afua. But that would be later. Obrey was determined to savor that moment with Life. They stared into each other's eyes for a while then moved in closer to kiss but she pulled back when she saw Afua still staring at them. The music and poetry suddenly ended. She and Life went in separate directions and a few minutes later Obrey turned around and saw Amad and Jewel approaching her.

"Hey, love. Wow, it looks good in here." Amad said to Obrey.

"I thought you were going to be at the shop all day today."

"I was, something came up. I need Jewel to be here with you today. She can just stay the night ok?"

Jewel looked at the paintings on the walls. Obrey saw Life in the background talking to Davis and wanted to get Amad out of there fast. "Um, sure." Amad was in a hurry and left. He had roses for Davis.

"Girl, everyone is here tonight." Davis said as she approached Amad and Obrey. "Can you believe it? Did you see..."

"I think Amad has roses for you, Davis. Your favorite." Obrey snatched the flowers from Amad and quickly handed them to Davis.

"Awww, thanks."

"You're welcome, honey. Everything looks so great. I'm so proud of you. I'm sorry, I can't stay though."

"What you mean you can't stay?" Dob said as he patted Amad on the back.

"Well look who's here." Amad turned to shakke hands with Dob. He pulled him close and whispered in his ear. "You weren't playin' huh?"

"Not at all my brother." Dob whispered back.

Amad leaned in and gave Davis a kiss on the cheek. "I got some business to take care of so I gotta get." After he kissed Obrey he rushed out. Dob bent down and picked up Jewel adn walked away with her.

"What was that about? Anyway, Life is here girl." Davis said.

"Who?"

THE NIKEL chapter 12

The next day at Amad's coffee shop there was a retirement party for Afua. She was dressed in her usual African attire. There were many people there to celebrate with her. Afua was employed as a postal worker for forty years and was finally and happily ready to retire. As the crowd cheered for her, Obrey carried the cake and set it down in front of her. "Well it won't be long now." Afua said.

"For what?"

"Till you're a married woman, that's what. Why aren't you wearing your engagement ring?"

"I'm not sure. Is that all everyone has to talk to me about?"

"Uh oooh. What's going on?"

"I'm sorry for snapping, just cold feet I guess."

"Don't get weak. This society has lost it's sense of family values and relationships just don't mean a thing to anybody anymore. You gotta be strong and hang in there. You have a good man. He loves you and he's doing right by his child. Don't lose sight of the blessing you have."

"Amad is a good man, but I'm not sure we're right for each other. I don't feel excited when I see him."

Afua laughed lightly and patronizingly as she pat her on the shoulder. "You aint got to be excited, chile. See, the white man has put it in our heads to be lead by every little feeling we have. Now we're just runnin' round every which a way following every little desire. Amad is going to be a good husband, and you're going to be a good wife. And the two of you are going to raise that baby. That's what God wants."

"Doesn't God want us to be happy? I'm just not sure that I love him enough."

A week later Obrey and Willow were together going to a party. "Oh, please Obrey! Don't you tell me nothing's wrong. Sometimes, as your friend I allow you to be quiet and not talk about what's going on. And then there are times, as your friend, I have to pull it out of you before you get all stuffed up and die. Come on now. You gotta let life run through you like prune juice."

Obrey chuckled. "Prune juice?"

"Yeah girl. Hold it inside you feed your ulcers." Obrey gave her a strange look. "I heard one of the poets say that. I thought it was fresh. Anyway, I'm trying to help you out and raise your mental a little." Willow snapped her fingers as if she was at a poetry reading. Willow could always make Obrey laugh even when Obrey didn't want to. "No, for real though. You and Amad have had the same issues forever. Why are you acting so brand new these days?"

"I was thinking...whoever I'm with..."

"Whomever."

"Imma hurt you. Anyway, whomever I'm with, eventually I'm going to have a spell where I'm not as in love as I used to be. I mean...that fire...doesn't it only come in cycles anyway? I'm in such a funk. I wish I could wake up and recognize what a good brotha Amad is and that I really do love him."

"Well should one of your cycles be this close to your wedding date? And why do sistas always do that anyway? 'But he's a good man.' So what! You're a good woman. What? That don't count? Willow parked the car and accidentally hit the bumper of another vehicle which set off the alarm. "Opps!" She backed out of the parking space and moved into another one.

Obrey laughed. "Well maybe if you took those glasses off you could see."

"Girl, you just jealous 'cause I look like Patti LaBelle in these." Willow let out a long exhale and looked in her mirrror. "Relax, relate, release. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go."

"You sound like you talking more to you than to me. What's going on Miss let it all out? And take those damn glasses off!"

Willow took her shades off and turned to Obrey. She could tell that Willow had been crying.

"Girl, what's wrong? You look like you've been crying all night long."

"And all morning." Willow replied.

"What, is it Alex?"

"Girl, I don't even want to bring you down with everything I got going on."

"Would you stop it! Why do sistas do that? Play all strong like we can't be touched. That's why stuff keeps happening to us strong women. 'Cause we keep acting like we can keep takin' it. So that's what we keep getting. I swear the next time a brotha calls me a strong woman Imma sock him in the face to show him how strong I am. It's Marvin trippin' again isn't it?"

"I don't know what to call it. We've been going back and forth for years about Alex living with him. Of course I want him with me forever but he is a black boy and there are too many black boys who don't even know their fathers, let alone have the oportunity to live with them."

"He's living with Marvin full time now?"

"Well, he's been there for about three months now. Really he's been going to school in Palmdale but he's with me every weekend and break and will be for the summer. We started it off as just trying it out. Of course it was hard for me, but he is nine years old now and Marvin wanted him going to school out there before he was a teenager."

"I can see that. What's wrong throgh? You two haven't been together since he was a baby, what's the beef this time? Is it his new wife?"

"Well they aren't married yet. But the beef is that he's trying to get full custody."

"Damn girl. Why?"

"I dont' know. Nothing has really happened. I think he thinks that because he's got his fiance and son he doesn't need me in the picture anymore."

"But Alex needs you."

"I know and you know and Alex knows and the whole world knows. But Marvin aint getting it."

"He's not saying that you can't see him or nothin' like that is he?"

"No, but if I sign over full custody to him I don't get a legal say in his life. It's not even about that, it's why the hell would he even do this? Now I gotta retain and attorney and all that. And that's gonna cost me three thousand dollars. And it's all stupid because he's fighting for something that he's not gonna win. I'm not an unfit mother. And he's not out there because I can't take care of him."

"Girl, come here. You know it's gonna be ok, right?"

"I know. Things keep running through my head though. Like when Marvin came to pick him up to go and live out there, it's weird I guess, but I wish that I would have held him longer."

"But that wsn't the last time you've seen him. I'm sure you hug him plenty."

"Of course I do, but that day marked a special time in his life and I should have held him longer."

"Willow don't do this. You're a great mother and you don't have anything to feel guilty about. Stop it."

"And now when he's with me I sit on his bed while he's sleeping and kiss him and ..." Obrey noticed that she was beginning to cry. "It's okay, sweetie. Let it out."

"Let's talk about this later." Willow wiped her face. It wasn't like Willow to let anyone see her cry. Anyone. She would just make a joke and pull the attention off of how she really felt. "Let's release all of this and enjoy this evening." She adjusted her rear view mirror to look at her face and hmmmed Lady Marmalade while she put on her lipstick. "Right now, we are going to release Amad and Marvin. Just for a few hours we're not going to talk about them. We're not going to look at anyone who looks like them. We're going inside for a little while. We're going to have a good time. And then we're going to leave. Got it?"

"Would you just get out this car, Patti and stop talking to me like I'm Alex or Jewel!"

"Oooooohhh! Jealous!"

"Willow, one more thing. I got some money saved if you need some help."

"Thanks girl, but I got it.'

"Would you tell me if you didn't, strong woman?"

"Get out of the car and let's go, before I sock you."

Obrey opened the door and got out. When she closed the door, Life opened the door and tried to find out where the alarm came from.

"Willow Tree!"

Willow didn't pay much attention to Life. She walked past him through the door. "Hey, Life, you know my friend, Obrey. Obrey, Life." Life and Obrey shook hands and Willow waved at someone inside and went to greet her friend. Obrey noticed how good Life smelled.

"May I get you something to drink?" Life offered Obrey.

"Excuse me? Ummm no, thank you." There was a moment of silence. Obrey stood in the entrance and looked arouond the house. They were next to a framed photo of a couple on an island. They were under a big tree and in the picture you could see a water fall. "This is a beautiful picture. I wonder where they were."

"That is nice. Do you know Melissa and Cap?"

"Not really. We met once. I designed his sister's wedding gown and they brought her over for a fitting."

"That's right. You're a designer. How is your business going?"

She smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "Um, pretty good. I think I'll take that drink now. Merlot please?"

"So, this is what, the third time we met?"

"I guess so."

"Maybe this time you'll speak to me before you leave and you won't just disappear like Cinderella."

"Maybe."

Life and Obrey sat on the couch laughing, talking and drinking among the many people at the house who were having a good time.

"It's so easy to talk to you. You have a great sense of humor too." Life said as he gently tapped her thigh.

"Everybody doesn't seem to think so."

"Then he's a fool."

"May I ask you something?"

Life smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

"Where is that line between who you really are and what you do? I mean, I look at you sitting here all calm and seemingly at peace with yourself. You don't look at all like the person I see out, whose job it is to entertain everybody. Who has to be on every time he's in public." Obrey imitated him by rapping one of his songs.

"So you think you know me?" Life asked.

"I know more about you than I did the last time I saw you at the club."

"Yeah, about that, I tried to say hello. The guy you were with, your husband?" Obrey looked away as if she didn't hear him. "Oh, I hit a sore spot, huh?"

"No, I just didn't come to talk about me." Obrey responded.

"You came to talk about me?"

"Yeah, yeah...I came to talk about you." She paused. "May I get you something to drink?"

"Not so fast, Madam. You come down here and get all in my head like some psychitrist and then punk out when the topic truns to you?"

"Punk out?" Obrey pointed to herself.

"Yes." Life responded and flashed his beautiful smile while pointing to her.

"May I get you something to drink? Please?" She asked as she got off the couch and headed to the bar.

THE NIKEL chapter 11

Life saw Obrey and Amad as they walked up to the entrance to The Nikel together. Amad was fashionably dressed in an oversized dark brown sweater with a pair of tan slacks and dark brown leather shoes. Obrey had her head wrapped in a multicolored fabric. She had a pair of faded jeans on with white frayed strands on the legs, a dress and a pair of platform shoes. Music came from the club as Life and Rock stood outside and checked out the women who passed by in short skirts and dresses.

Obrey and Amad walked past Life and Rock. Life saw Obrey and was attracted to her in a way he didn't remember being when they first met months ago at the video shoot. Their eyes met. Amad stopped to shake Life's hand.

"Hey, what's up, Life? Amad."

"Hey." Life responded and tried not to look over at Obrey too soon.

"Hey, Life, how you been? It's been a long time." Obrey said as she extended her hand to shake his.

"Yeah, yeah, I've been good. Um, good seeing you. Take care."

Life stared at Obrey as she and Amad walked away. She turned around and saw that he was still staring at her and made sure that Life saw her take Amad's hand. Rock looked at Obrey and shook his head. Life laughed with him, but when Rock looked away, he stopped laughing and continued to stare.

Rock and Life went into The Nikel and greeted many people as they walked back to The Say. They tried to break through the crowd to get past the bar. Life saw Hannibal with four beautiful women coming out of The Say as they were going in.

"Hey, what's up, Ball?"

Those around Hannibal moved in close to him while he spoke. Hannibal responded as he held up a full glass. "You can laugh, or you can work, but you aint really livin' till you doin' both at the same time, see?" There were a few seconds of silence. The silence was broken with everyone around him laughing.

Rock stared at the beautiful women who were with Hannibal. He looked at them, then back at Hannibal, then back at the women. Hannibal was Inglewood's modern day sage. People laughed at joked about the old West Indian who was always surrounded by beautiful women but they respected him. However crazy they thought he was they knew that he was the man responsible for bringing jobs into the community for many people. He was the one who elevated the careers of a lot of the comedians and rappers who hung around the club. He was the one who helped many of the rapers get their hustle on. Hannibal was the one who taught them how to fish and eat forever.

They went into The Say and Life looked on the stage. He asked Rock who the comedian was who was on. Rock told him that he was a comic from the Bay. "New cat, makin' a little noise. Gotta little style." The comedian's name was Lion. He was doing more than making a little noise with a little style. Life had seen him on television a few times and was impressed when he saw him. He was young, fresh, hip and reminded him of himself when he was new in the game. Hungry. They watched as Lion performed. The packed crowd laughed very hard. There was a group of comedians who were bad talking Lion. Bits of their conversations were heard up to the front of the room. They began to talk really loud and disturb Lion's set. But Lion was young, new and not from the area and knew enough to know not to direct any comments to them. He kept his focus and rocked the show. He knew that the only people he needed to impress were Willow and the crowd. He knew that he could do that if he kept the crowd laughing and respected the light, which was the comedian's universal cue to wrap it up. He played the game and Willow was impressed, through though she wouldn't say.

Willow approached Life and told him that he was up next. "And watch the light because I wanna put more people up." She quickly walked away because she saw another comedian talking to a group of women. When she approached him he kept talking to the women and didn't even acknowledge Willow. "Ok, give me a minute." He said. Willow walked away frustrated. "I'll be at the bar." She rolled her eyes as she walked away.

Life walked in the restroom nervous about following Lion. He looked at himself in the mirror and started pumping himself up. "You trippin'! Stop trippin'!" He rapped lyrics from his last hit. Two men came in talking about Lion and laughing very hard. One of the men repeated Lion's jokes and they started laughing again. Neither of the men noticed Life right in front of them. Life walked past the two men and they seemed not to notice he was there. Saundra was right. He did like it.

Outside of the men's restroom, Life leaned against a wall for a moment. He walked back to The Say. Essence was back on stage about to bring him up. He looked at the crowd from the side of the stage and noticed Obrey sitting a at a table with Amad. He saw her look back at him. Life smiled and waved at her. When Obrey looked over at Amad she noticed he was staring at her with a scowl on his face.

"Yeah! Keep it going for Lion!" Essence said. The crowd cheered. "He is blowing up on the comedy scene. And to all y'all insecure hater comics in the back makin' all the noise during his set, who don't have half his talent or creativity, it would do you all some good to come up to the front row while he's up!" The crowd clapped and the hater comics stared at them with smirks. "The is a room for artists to work out and try to grow. If y'all can't handle that, step! Now, having said that, let me keep the show goin' and the energy flowin'. This next brotha ripped it up last week, and he's back to do it again. Put your hands together for your friend and mine...Life!" The crowd cheered.

Amad leaned into Obrey and whispered in her ear. She looked disappointed. Life ran on stage. During his set he heard Amad call for the waitress really loud and look at Life. He easily got into his rhythm but still saw Obrey go back and interrupt Willow talking to another comic and give her a hug as if she was about to leave.

As she walked away, Willow shook her head. Life got off stage and the crowd cheered. Life walked into the men's room and wiped his face and exhaled. He exited the restroom to go into the hallway. He looked around to see if he could catch Obrey beore she left. Just then Saundra tapped him on the shoulder. "You lookin' for me?"

He nervously responded, "Hey, baby." As he gave Saundra a hug, he saw Obrey outside talking to Willow. Amad was next to her talking to a friend of his. "Excuse me for just a moment." He said to her.

"Where are you going so fast?"

"I'll be right back."

A woman stopped Life to talk to him. Bec saw him and came up to them. She stood directly in front of the woman with her (Rebecca's) back to her and began to speak to him. The other woman gave Rececca a dirty look and walked away.

"Ok. Ok. That was a great set. I talked to the people over at The Link and they were very excited about your read through the other day."

Life wasn't in the mood to speak with Bec. Recbecca was a thrity-six year old white woman who often used outdated black slang. "A new spot has just opened up on Melrose and it's really cracking. It's the bomb and we need to get down there and represent..."

She continued to speak but he only heard muffled sounds coming from her. After a brief period, he siad, "Bec, I need to catch soeone outside. Give me a sec."

"I'm talking!"

Life saw Amad and Obrey in the street about to drive off. Amad was in the driver's seat saying goodbye to his friend and Obrey was in the passenger's seat, facing The Nikel, speaking to Willow. Life heard Amad pull off as Willow yelled to her, "Call me, girl!"

Willow walked back into The Nikel.

"Neb, you doin' alright? You ridin' with me tonight?"

"I'm good, girl."

"Good? Who you ridin' with?"

"Brian."

"Neb."

"It's a ride, Auntie Mom. A ride."

"Call me when you get home." She continued to walk through the club. She walked past Life.

"Willow Tree!"

Willow nonchallantly responded. "Hey, Life. Good set. Call me and let me know when you're in town again." Willow looked at her clipboard and walked to the bar. Life followed her to her seat as she ordered a merlot from the bartender.

"So ummm...how you been, Willow?" She received her drink and said fine.

"Good...goood." There were a few moments of silence.

"Look, she saw you checking her out." Willow turned and walked away into The Say. Life tried to follow her but Rock came up to him and pulled him away. Life spoke with him for a minute and then went back in The Say where he saw Willow go.

Two beautiful women were talking to Hannibal at his table as Willow approached. She tapped him on the shoulder and held up one finger as if to say excuse me. One of the women gave her a crazy look and Willow looked right back at her with an even crazier look. The woman stared at the poet on stage. Willow whispered something to Hannibal and then went to her seat. Life sat behind her and began to whisper.

"And?" Life asked.

"And what?"

"And what did she say?"

"I told her that she wasn't your type."

Life was annoyed and asked, "How do you know what my type is?" The Say entrace doors swung open in class dramitic style and Sandra was in the doorway looking for Life. She had on expensive jewels and fancy clothes. The ony element missing was the fog machine. Willow looked at Saundra and then back at him.

Amad and Obrey were in the car going home as she pulled out her phone and called Davis. "Hello."

"Hello woman. Sorry to call so late. Whatchu doin'?"

"Sitting up talking to Jewel, what's up?"

"What is she still doing up?"

"She doesn't have school tomorrow, what's wrong?"

"No. I know about that. I just thought she'd be sleepy. I took her to the movies and to the park today."

"Sleepy? Are you kidding? This woman is talking to me about her being he president of the world someday. I'm waiting for her to tell me about the birds and the bees next."

"She is something else, I know. Listen, since she's up, I may have her hop in the truck with Amad when he drops me off. Just put her slippers by the door."

"Alright. You ok?"

"Yeah, I have a lot of work to get done tonight. I'll see you in a minute, girl."

"So what was that about?"

"I have a lot of work to get done tonight." Obrey repeated to Amad.

"Whatever." Amad was about to say something else when Malik called. She knew it was him because she could tell by the coded conversation. He stayed on the phone the whole way to the house. He parked the car in front of the house, looked at Obrey and motioned for her to get Jewel.

"It's late. She's staying here." Obrey whispered. He leaned in to kiss her while he was still talking to Malik. She took her hand from his, turned her face away and got out of the car. He never got off the phone. (Was gonna sneak a fucking good night kiss to me while he was on the phone with him.)

It was about 2:00 am and Obrey was tired as she worked at her design table. Her table sat under a window just off the dining room. She could look out of that window and see the lights out to Venice Beach from the hill of the house where she sat. Obrey loved to look out of that window with a glass of merlot and work, think, meditate, pray, talk. The phone rang.

"Hello."

"So, shouldn't you be all cuddled up with your man by now?"

"How do you know I'm not?" Obrey asked.

"Are you?"

"Anyway, shouldn't you be hanging out at Solomon's about this time?"

"Hell no. I don't hang out with club folks after the club. So...whatever looks you and Mr. Funnyman exchanged were more than just looks to him. He was kinda sweatin' me over him some Obrey."

"Girl, please."

"Oh, yeah, once he could pry Ms. Saundra off of him. He wanted to know all about you... How serious you and Amad are, how long y'all been together...you know, the classic boy is interested in questions."

"And I'm sure you told him everything."

"I told him very little as a matter of fact. You know I've been trying to get you to meet my boy Sage. It's not a hook up, I just think the two of you would get along well as friends. Friends! That's it. And if something more develops down the line, weeeelll... you can pay me my ten percent finder's fee later." They both laughed. "But really...before you settle down for the rest of your life, you should have a little fun. But I won't bring him up again. It's your life. Anyway, I thought you and Life met before."

"We did. Months ago at a shoot. We talked for a minute. But didn't talk much about each other. There wasn't a connection or anything like that. Just two folks on a quick break on a busy set that's all."

"Ummm hummm. Whatever. Anyway Obrey, I just miss you girl. We gotta catch up. We haven't hung out in so long. What's up with that?" Willow was sure Obrey was going to come up with a good one.

"I don't know. I'm working...you're working."

"I've always worked. You've always worked, and we managed to stay connected. Are you hiding something? Or someone maybe?"

"Please..."

"I just wanted to call and touch down with my friend. Without club shit. Without Amad dragging you off. And I know you don't want me to go down that path, but..."

Obrey was annoyed. "Willow."

"Ok, I'm cool. Don't want no trouble."

"I'm not sure Amad is making me happy."

"Well, I've learned that nobody can make you happy. So if you're not happy, you issues may not have to do with Amad. Why is Obrey unhappy with herself?"

Obrey's phone beeped. "Hold on, that's me." She clicked over.

"Hello."

"Why don't you come over?" Amad asked. "I miss you. I should have stayed with you."

"I need to be at home tonight. Can we talk later? I'm on the other line."

"With who?"

"I'm on the phone. I'll talk to you later."

"With who?"

"Willow, ok?"

"Whatever."

Obrey clicked over. "Sorry, girl."

"That's ok. Look, I hate to cut this short, but I have something I need to get to before I go to sleep. But it sounds like we need to talk 'cause the world via new Style Magazine knows something about Miss Obrey I thought I was the only one that knew. Can we hook up for lunch toorrow?"

"It'll have to be more like a late dinner if that's cool. And yeah, we do need to talk. Can you believe that shit? I told her that off the record and she printed it anyway."

"Sounds good I need to make a quick appearance at this little shindig. Maybe you can come with me and we can go somewhere from there."

"Ok."

"Ummm...Obrey..."

"Yes?"

"I did give Sage your voicemail number. Don't be mad. If you don't want to call him back then don't."

"No worries."